An old man was sitting on the examination table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked.
The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said: “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”
“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”
A guy was in a bar drinking beer.
He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer take out his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife. He did this several times, until finally the bartender asked: “Why after you finish a beer do you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife?”
The guy said: “Well, as soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home.”
In the hardware store, a worker asked: “Can I help you find anything?”
“How about my misspent youth,” joked a man.
The worker shot back: “We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”