An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two younger ladies hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.”
Priest: “Are you sorry for your sins?”
Man: “What sins?”
Priest: “What kind of a Catholic are you?”
Man: “I’m Jewish.”
Priest: “Why are you telling me all this?”
Man: “I’m 92 years old… I’m telling everybody!”
An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. “Doc,” he said, “I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs…”
“Sir,” said the doctor, “You complain you have so many things. What don’t you have?”
“Teeth,” the man answered.
A woman gets on a bus and sits in the only available seat. Two men with thick accents are talking loudly next to her.
“Emma comes first,” one of the men says. “Then I come, by two asses. Next, I come again, with the two asses. Then, I come and pee twice. In the end, I come all alone.”
The woman is horrified. “Sir, this is a public bus and I am a dignified lady,” she shouts. “I have no interest in hearing your disgusting conversation. Please be quiet!”
The man turns to her. “I don’t know what you say, lady. I just try to spell Mississippi.”
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