A man goes to a psychiatrist because he thinks there is a monster under his bed and he can’t sleep due to the fear.
“Visit me for three days a week at $300 a visit, and you’ll be cured,” the psychiatrist assures him.
The price tag is a little rich for the patient, so he says he’ll think about it. Six months later, the two meet on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” asks the psychiatrist.
“Because a bartender cured me for only $10.”
“How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece.
When she was done, one of the old farmers stood up and said: “What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?”
Quick as a flash, the woman replied: “Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!”
Old-fashioned Zachary approached Laura’s father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage.
“Sir,” he blurted out, “I have an attachment for your daughter, and…”
“See here, young man,” interrupted Laura’s dad, “When my daughter needs accessories, I’ll buy them myself.”