At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!” An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said: “I think my husband’s like a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke.” The second woman said: “My husband’s like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps.” The third woman was silent until she was asked: “Tell us about your husband.” She thought for a moment and said, “My husband’s like an Olympic sprinter.” “He’s got his time down to under 11 seconds.”

A man went one Thanksgiving to get a turkey from a live poultry farm. “Do you have any turkeys going cheap?” he asked.”Nope,” said the owner. “All our turkey go gobble, gobble.'”