Two drunks went into a bar to have a few beers. One got up and went into the bathroom while the other remained at the bar talking to the bartender.
All of a sudden there was a loud scream coming from the bathroom. The drunk at the bar said to the bartender that it sounded like his partner screaming, so he went into the toilet to investigate.
He went inside and asked his friend what the problem was. His friend said that every time he flushed the toilet something reached up and hit him on the bottom.
His friend shook his head and said: “You soft beggar, you’re sitting on the mop bucket.”
A man was getting married. Unfortunately, he was balding pretty badly so he decided to purchase a toupee for the big day. He took his young son to the wig store and together they picked out a realistic looking hair piece.
The wedding went perfectly however, the whole day, the man was worried that everyone must have seen his toupee. The next day, his young son noticed his worried look and said: “What’s the matter, daddy? Why are you looking so down?”
“I’m not really sad,” the man replied, “It’s just that I’m sure everyone noticed that I was wearing a wig yesterday.”
“No they didn’t, daddy,” the son smiled happily, “No one that I told had any clue!”
A little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she’d pipe up and say: “Have we reached Falls Creek yet, sonny?”
“No, lady, not yet. I’ll let you know,” he replied, time after time.
As the hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Falls Creek before finally the little town came into view. Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the brakes, pulled over and called out, “This is where you get out, lady.”
“Is this Falls Creek?”
“Yes!” he bellowed in frustration. “Get out!”
“Oh, I’m going all the way through to the next town, sonny,” she explained sweetly. “It’s just that my daughter told me that when we got this far, I should take my blood pressure pill.”