A tour bus driver is driving around town with a bus full of old aged people when he is suddenly tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and hands him another handful of peanuts. When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her: “Why don’t you guys eat the peanuts?”
“Oh don’t worry about us dear,” she replies. “We just love the chocolate around them.”
An old lady phoned the police to report that thieves had broken into her car.
“They’ve stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator,” she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” said the old woman. “I got in the backseat by mistake.”
There was once a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read: “Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide”.
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer’s sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read: “Now there are two!”