A man says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.”
The doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.”
Two weeks later the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The man says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”
The doctor says: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”
A father meets his daughter’s boyfriend for the first time. He welcomes him into the house in the morning and the boyfriend is clearly nervous about their introduction.
The father, wanting to be a gracious host, offers the lad a beer to help him feel comfortable. Wanting to make a good first impression the boyfriend declines the beer and goes to sit down in the other room.
The father comes in the room and again offers him a beer, which is again refused! Disgruntled, the father goes to the kitchen, comes back a few moments later and yet again offers him a beer!
“Go on then,” says the boyfriend, who gleefully cracks it open and starts to drink.
Five minutes later the father returns with a cup of coffee and sits down.
“Aren’t you going to have a beer?” asks the confused boyfriend.
“Oh, no,” said the father. “It’s far too early to be drinking beer!”
A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice. “I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age,” he says to the doctor.
“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again until she does.”
That night, the husband arrives home and sees his wife in the kitchen cooking. He thinks this will be the perfect opportunity to test her hearing.
He stands in the doorway of the kitchen and promptly asks: “What’s for dinner honey?”
No answer. He moves closer. “What’s for dinner honey?”
Still no answer. He moves even closer.
“What’s for dinner honey?”
Still his wife doesn’t answer. He now sees how serious her hearing problem is. At this point, he is stood right next to his wife.
“What’s for dinner honey?”
The wife swings around and yells: “FOR THE FOURTH TIME WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN!”