Two weeks into a criminal trial in a very high-profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks: “Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?”
“Yes, we have, your honour,” the foreman responds.
“Would you please pass it to me?” the judge declares, as he motions for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman: “Please read your verdict to the court”.
“We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery,” states the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude.
The man’s attorney turns to his client and asks: “So, what do you think about that?”
The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says: “I’m real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?”
In a small town, the policeman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. “Heavens no, we bought it,” the said.
He said: “Then why don’t you drive it away?”
“We can’t drive,” they answered.
The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked: “Then why did you buy it?”.
They answered: “We were told if we bought a car here, we’d get screwed, so we are just waiting”.
An office exec was interviewing a young man for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about his personality.
“If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?” the manager asked.
He thought for a moment then responded: “I’d have to say the living one”.