A company had a vacancy for a job so they put a sign outside of their office saying: “Job Vacancy – apply within. Applicants must be able to type at least 80 words per minute. Must be good at computers. Must be bilingual.”
After weeks of having no applicants, a dog walked into the office and much to the manager’s perplexity, pointed to the sign. The manager said: “I like your interest but as much as I need someone to take this position, I’m afraid you’re just not qualified enough for the job. You need to be able to type at least eighty words per minute and I don’t see how that’s possible with your chubby paws.”
The dog, without a word, hopped onto a stool near the typewriter and miraculously typed just over a hundred words within the minute. The manager was both surprised and confused but he proceeded to say: “I’m sorry, I still can’t give you the job because you need to be good at computers.”
At this, the dog grabbed a keyboard and proceeded to hack into and shut down every security camera in the building.
The manager was dumbfounded but managed to say: “I’m sorry, but the final requirement is that you have to be bilingual.”
At this, the dog looked at him in the eye for a good minute and confidently said: “Meow.”
A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks: “Hey, buddy! How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says: “About 2 hours,” and so the guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks: “How long before I can get a haircut?”
Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says: “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks: “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says: “About an hour and a half.” The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says “Hey Joey, I’ll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes.”
In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says: “This must be good, where did he go when he left here?”
Joey says: “To your house!”
A woman was sitting on a bench next to a man who was engrossed in his newspaper. One of the headlines blared: “12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed.”
He shook his head at the sad news. Then, turning to the woman, he asked: “How many is a Brazilian?”