David had been extremely anxious for years. It got to the point where his compulsive worrying was ruining his life, so he went to a psychiatrist, who recommended that David hire a professional worrier.
After he’d been working with the specialist for a few months, David’s friend John noticed a change. “What happened?” John asked. “You don’t worry about anything anymore!”
“I hired a professional worrier!” David answered.
“That must cost a fortune,” John said.
“Yes, he charges $3,000 a month,” David said sheepishly.
“Three thousand dollars! How can you ever afford to pay him?” John exclaimed.
“I don’t know,” David said. “That’s his problem.”
One day a little girl came home from school and said to her mother: “Mummy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed: “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied: “My homework.”
A man consulted a foot doctor for his overly smelly feet. The doctor advised him to put on a clean pair of socks each day for a week and then come back. The man returned walking awkwardly.
“Where are your shoes?” the doctor asked.
Complained the man: “I just couldn’t get them on over all these socks.”