The new employee stood in front of he paper shredder looking confused.
“Need some help?” a secretary asked.
“Yes,” she replied. “How does this thing work?”
“Simple,” the secretary said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
“Thanks, but where do the copies come out?”
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air, then opened its mouth to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out: “Oh, my God! Help me!”
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds: “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”
“Come on God, give me a break!” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal.
The doctor says: “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies: “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says. “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus,” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”