It is the Christmas season and the judge is in a benevolent mood. He asks the accused man: “Well, Mr Jones, what crime were you accused of committing this time of the year?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early, your honour,” replies Mr Jones humbly.
“That’s no crime,” comments the judge. “What time did you do your early Christmas shopping?”
“Just before the store opened.”
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
“I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name ‘Mary-lou’ written on it,” she said, furious. “You had better have an explanation.”
“Calm down, honey,” the man replied. “Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on.”
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
“What was that for?” he complained.
“Your dog called last night.”
Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about “the good old days”, when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said: “Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?”
Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile Grandma pressed a little farther: “Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged you’d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?”
Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, Grandma said: “Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?”
Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said: “Honey, where are you going?”
Grandpa replied: “To get my teeth!”