A husband and wife purchased an old home in northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and, as the years first snow came early, the wife was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation.
“If they could live here all those years, so can we!” the husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and they woke up to find interior walls covered with frost.
The husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. “For the past 30 years,” he muttered. “They’ve gone to Florida for the winter.”
It had been raining for days and days, and a local river crested, flooding many houses. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house. As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in.
“No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.”
So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared.
“Climb in!” shouted a man in the boat.
“No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.”
So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof.
“No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me.”
So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him. The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned. Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God.
“Heavenly Father,” he said. “I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?”
God gave him a puzzled look, and replied: “I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”
The owner of a construction project lived in a city where the winters were extreme. One day, he felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman.
Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn’t wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the project manager asked: “Didn’t you like the muffs?”
The Foreman said: “They’re a thing of beauty.”
“Why don’t you wear them?” the Project Manager asked.
The Foreman explained: “I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn’t hear him! Never again, never again!”