A young investment banker goes out and buys the car of his dreams – a brand new Ferrari. After paying $500,000, he takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. While waiting for the light to change, a frail looking old man on a yellow moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the Ferrari and asks: “What kind of car ya’ got there, Sonny?”
The young man replies: “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”
“Wow, that’s a lot of money,” says the old man as he tucks his thumbs up against his suspenders. “Why does it cost so much?”
“Because this car can do up to 500km/h!” states the banker proudly.
The moped driver asks: “Mind if I take a look inside?”
“No problem,” replies the proud new owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around at all the bells and whistles lining the dashboard. Sitting back on his moped, the old man whistles and says: “That’s a pretty nice car, all right, but I’ll stick with my moped!”
Just then the light changes, so the banker decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 200km/h! Suddenly, he notices a yellow dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly something blows by him, going much faster!
“What in the hell could be going faster than my Ferrari?” the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 200km/h. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the moped! Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275km/h.
He’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again! Dumbfounded, the banker floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320km/h. Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari red lines and there’s nothing more he can do! Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the mangled old man and says: “Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?” The old man whispers through his heavy breath: “Unhook… my… suspenders… from… your…. side view mirror.”
A man buys a sports car and is really beginning to enjoy it when he sees flashing lights in the rear view mirror. He guns it and is rapidly up to 160km/h when he realises what he is doing. He slows down, then pulls over and soon the cop pulls up behind him.
The officer comes up to the window and asks: “What were you thinking, taking off like that?”
“Well,” the man replies after thinking about it for a bit. “A few years ago a police officer ran off with my wife.”
“What does that have to do with anything.”
“I thought you were bringing her back.”
An extremely rich man was carving up the roads one afternoon in a brand new Porsche. Passing on the right, speeding everywhere, he took a blind corner at speed and ploughed into the back of an older car, sending them both spiralling into a ditch. Both cars were demolished.
The rich man hopped out of the twisted wreckage of his Porsche, to see an elderly man climbing out of the other car with a jubilant smile on his face. The rich man asked the gentleman if he was okay, if he was in shock.
The gentleman raised his arms and said: “No! This is fantastic! Let’s celebrate! We’re both alive!”
He opened what was left of his car door to see a box of Cuban cigars. “What a miracle! Such an impact, and my treasured cigars are okay! Let’s light them and celebrate our good luck!”
So the rich man and the gentleman lit up, and smoked their cigars. The gentleman looked back inside, and saw his vintage bottle of Scotch and two glasses, and pulled them out. “A toast to us! Such a horrific accident and we made it through without a scratch!”
He poured two very tall glasses of Scotch, and handed one to the man. They clinked their glasses, and the rich man downed his. He looked at the gentleman, standing there with a still-full glass. “Aren’t you having any?” he asked the gentleman.
“Oh no, not until the police give you a breathalyser.”