Golf

An old man and a 20 year old are paired together at a golf tournament. They’re playing a long par 5 that dog legs around some tall trees.

As the 20 year old sets up his tee shot to hit onto the fairway the old man notes “when I was your age we used to hit over the trees – not around to the side.”

So the 20 year old readjusts and tries to hit over the trees – but can’t clear them and loses his ball. He tries again and loses that one too…

Then the old man says “of course, when I was your age, the trees were only 6 foot tall.”

Polly

A thief enters a house at night, intending on robbing the entire place. In the dark, he starts hearing:

“Jesus is watching you… Jesus is watching you…”

Panicked, he looks around for the source of the whisper, when he finds a parrot in a cage, with the name “Moses” pinned on it. Relieved, he says:

“Who’s the idiot who named a parrot Moses?”

The parrot answers:

“The same idiot that named the pitbull Jesus”.