Whether you’ve trodden the boards, sat in the stalls or simply spent years watching actors collect awards and thank everyone except the people who actually made the show happen, these five jokes are for you.

How do you drown an actor? Place a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient.

“Sir,” the usher said, “if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?” “Sam,” the man moaned. “Where ya from, Sam?” the cop asked.

And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, “The balcony.”

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? 100 of course! 1 to screw the bulb in and 99 to stand around, saying, “It should be me up there!” and “I could have done it better!”

A sound technician, a lighting designer and a stage manager find an old lamp, backstage at the theatre. One of them gives it a rub, and out wafts a genie! “Since you all found me,” he says, “You each get one wish!”
The sound technician steps up and says, “I wish to be sitting poolside in my own multi-million-dollar mansion!” And POOF, he is gone.
The lighting director takes his turn and says, “Well, I wish to be sitting on the beach on my own multi-billion-dollar private island!” And POOF, he is gone.
The stage manager turns to the genie and says, “I wish to have them both back in 10 minutes.”