Ah, the mother-in-law. The only person who can rearrange your kitchen, critique your roast and ask about your life choices – all before lunch.

In the grand tradition of family humour (and with tongues firmly in cheeks), we’ve rounded up five classic mother-in-law jokes guaranteed to raise an eyebrow – and maybe a knowing laugh.

No offence intended … obviously.

What do you call it if you’re late for dinner at your mother-in-law’s? Delaying the inedible.

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.
“No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.
And so they argued before the King until he called for silence.
“Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall cut the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.””Sounds good to me,” said the first lady.
But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.
“But she was willing to cut him in two!” exclaimed the king’s advisor.
“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.”

Jon said: “My mother-in-law is an angel.” “You’re a lucky fella,” Andy replied, “mine’s still alive!”

My mother-in-law bought a parrot recently but had to return it. “This talking parrot you sold me doesn’t speak!” she said. “I haven’t had the chance!” replied the parrot.

Employee: “Can I have tomorrow off to go and visit my mother-in-law?” Boss: “No chance!” Employee: “Thanks, I knew you’d understand!”