If you’ve been married long enough, you’ll know that the funniest comedy writers in the world have nothing on real married life. The missing things, the sleeping arrangements, the same jokes told on a loop for decades – it’s all gold. Here are a few that hit a little too close to home.

Being married means every day is an episode of Amazing Race Couples Edition – only it’s just me trying to find stuff my husband misplaced while he is behind me yelling “you threw it away didn’t you?”

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied “I’m going to Las Vegas.”
He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him “I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free”. He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch and with his wife. She said “And just where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m going too!” he replied.
“Why?” She asked.
“I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year”!

Marriage is basically agreeing to not sleep in a comfortable position again for the rest of your life.

The secret to a successful long-term relationship is the ability to laugh at the same joke 3,682,000 times.