Q: What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine? A: Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it looks like it’s not breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth!

Q: What did the grape do when someone stepped on it? A: It let out a little wine!

Q: How do you determine how much wine to drink? A: Just take it on a case-by-case basis.

Q: What is a woman’s idea of a balanced diet? A: A glass of wine in each hand!

A man sat with his wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, as she said, “I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.” Husband: Is that you or the wine talking? Wife: It’s me talking to the wine.

A priest is sitting on a park bench mumbling to himself, when a police officer walks over. He smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and sees a wine bottle in a paper bag beside him. Officer: Father, have you been drinking? Priest: Just water. Officer: Then why do I smell wine? Priest: Good Lord! He’s done it again!

Q: How much should you spend on a bottle of wine? A: I don’t know, maybe 20 minutes?

Customer: Can I get a bottle of McWine please? Cashier: Sir, this is McDonald’s.

Young Man: Wow, 50 years. What’s your secret? Older Man: Twice a week, we go out to a fancy dinner and drink a bottle of expensive wine. Tonight is my night. She gets Thursdays.