Think you’re a true blue Aussie?
From Advance Australia Fair to deadly wildlife, pub etiquette and Pavlova crimes, this cheeky Australia Day quiz will sort the bonza Australians from the drongos. Take the quiz and see where you land
Do you know the words to Advance Australia Fair?
(a) No;
(b) Yes, but just the first two lines;
(c) Absolutely.
Did you lie just then?
(a) Of course not;
(b) How dare you;
(c) Yes, I did.
What is the precise meaning of the phrase “der, Fred”?
(a) You didn’t need to explain that;
(b) I understood you the first time;
(c) You’ve just taught me something but I’m pretending like I knew all along.
What is a drongo?
(a) A person who cuts in line at the supermarket;
(b) Anyone who turns up to a dinner party with a bottle of wine with the receipt stuck to the side;
(c) Your maths teacher from high school.
How do you pronounce the last letter of the alphabet?
(a) Zee;
(b) Zim;
(c) Zed.
Australia has the deadliest wildlife in the world. How do you use this information?
(a) To educate young people about indigenous fauna;
(b) To highlight the importance of ecological balance;
(c) To frighten tourists.
What is the difference between a “bloke” and a “cobber”?
(a) “Bloke” refers to a man you do not know very well while a “cobber” is part of your social circle;
(b) A “bloke” can be anybody regardless of social status; “cobber” denotes an adult male who has at least one postgraduate degree in either the sciences or civil engineering;
(c) No difference, drongo.
What does the term “You Beaut” mean?
(a) Something is genuinely impressive;
(b) Something is genuinely unimpressive;
(c) Something that is supposed to be (a) but is actually (b).
If someone comes up to you in a pub and yells: “You! Me! Carpark! Now!” that means they want:
(a) to fight;
(b) to show you the new roof rack on their ute;
(c) to discuss cloud formations and the likelihood of precipitation within the next 24 hours.
Do you ever complain about the humidity?
(a) Yes;
(b) No;
(c) What’s humidity?
If you’re looking up into the night sky and see an invading fleet of giant alien spacecraft, what would you say?
(a) It’s finally happening, just like the Illuminati said it would;
(b) Run for your lives! We’re all doomed!;
(c) Strewth.
Where, exactly, is the Outback?
(a) Just passed the Back of Bourke;
(b) 200 kilometres beyond the Black Stump;
(c) The place where all the deadly spiders and snakes wait for the tourists to arrive.
How would you describe something that is the genuine article?
(a) True blue;
(b) Ridgey didge;
(c) Dinky-di.
What is another term for really, really good?
(a) Grouse;
(b) Ripper;
(c) Bonza.
Somebody says to you: “I hope your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.” What do they mean?
(a) They are sick and tired of your constant failure to complete simple tasks;
(b) They ordered lunch an hour ago and you keep telling them it’s about to arrive;
(c) They literally wish that your chooks would turn into emus and kick your dunny down.
When you imbibe with Duncan, how do you do so?
(a) In a hurry;
(b) To excess;
(c) In moderation.
How big a tragedy is a pub with no beer?
(a) Incalculable;
(b) Unrecoverable;
(c) Nothing a few rounds couldn’t put right.
The chant “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!” is followed by which rejoinder?
(a) Osbourne! Osbourne! Osbourne!
(b) Ostrich! Ostrich! Ostrich!
(c) Oi! Oi! Oi!
How did you first discover what the continent of Australia looks like?
(a) From a school atlas;
(b) From a globe in the library;
(c) From a kitchen table cloth.
Is a koala bear actually a bear?
(a) Of course it is;
(b) No, it’s not;
(c) Who cares so long as they look cute on postcards?
How would you best describe a person at a party who eats an entire Pavlova in one go?
(a) An idiot;
(b) Somebody who is about to become violently ill;
(c) A legend.
In the course of a normal day how often would you use the word ”strewth”?
(a) 0-10;
(b) 11-50;
(c) Never, except when observing invading fleets of alien spacecraft.
Do you ever check the toilet seat for red back spiders?
(a) Once in a while;
(b) Now and again;
(c) Every single time, especially at night.
The best place to see an Australian flag is on:
(a) a serviette;
(b) a beach towel;
(c) a rubber thong.
Which of the following phrases do Australians hate most?
(a) Don’t you know who I am?
(b) Last drinks, gents.
(c) Major roadworks ahead; long delays expected.
Is Tasmania part of Australia?
(a) No, it is a small uninhabited island off the coast of New Zealand;
(b) Yes, but only technically.
(c) Sort of, though the people there are not like the rest of us.
How did you do?
If you answered (a) to every question you are a bonza Australian;
If you answered (b) to every question you are a grouse Australian;
If you answered (c) to every question you are a true blue, ridgy-didge, dinky-di Aussie. No risk.