My research discovered that the sins between the sexes are quite different for females and males. For this column I’m listing the dating sins separately

The dating sins relate mainly to those without a partner. But it should be noted by the marrieds that divorce or even death could creep up on any of us at any time, sending us reeling into the world of being alone. So these dating hints may relate to us all at some time.

7 dating sins of single, female, over 60s 

1. DON’T ACT DESPERATE EVEN IF YOU ARE.  For goodness sake try and play it cool. Don’t act like a fool as soon as you get your hands on a single suitable man. I know a woman who’s like a vulture when single men are around. She wears bright red clothes with red shoes hoping no one will miss seeing her. I’ve even heard of women who watch the death notices ready to pounce on a man as soon as the wife is gone.
2. DON’T START PLANNING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AFTER THE FIRST DATE. Women want to know exactly what is happening and usually want to include the new man in everything they’re doing. Go slow and try and hold yourself back and let it take its natural course.
3. DON’T ALWAYS BELIEVE HIM – CHECK HIM OUT.  It may only be a low percentage of men who misrepresent themselves but don’t take any chances. If you don’t know his background do a bit of detective work. Try to get a landline in addition to his mobile and even take down his car registration number as a safe guard.
4. DON’T INTRODUCE HIM AROUND WHEN YOU FIRST MEET HIM. If you do and he disappears after a few weeks it’s embarrassing to have to explain what happened.
5. DON’T BE TOO DEMANDING. For the first few months don’t expect him to change his life and fit in with what you want to do. Remain plugged into your friends and everything you did before he appeared.
6. DON’T TRY AND CHANGE HIM. This is an important one. If he is a golfer and plays regularly accept it or try and take an interest in golf your self. If he dressers like a slob just let him, but don’t take him with you to places where it could be a problem. If he is bright he will get the hint. If he is a heavy drinker tell him you find him much more attractive when he’s not drunk. If he wants to veg out on the sofa and spend half his life in front of television and you can’t accept it, maybe he’s not for you.
7. DON’T HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH HIM – MEN WANDER.  Unless you know his background please, please, please don’t trust him. The incidence of seniors with sexually transmitted diseases is at an all time high. I went out with a dentist a few years ago who would say, ‘Don’t just worry about having unprotected sex with them worry about kissing them as well’.  Senior men are heavily into oral sex due to the erection problems that can come with age.

7 Dating sins of single, male over 60s

1. DON’T COME ON TOO STRONG ABOUT SEX.  Senior men are notorious for wanting to discuss if a senior woman is still sexually active. We realise you don’t want to waste time with a woman who is not going to put out.  But women find this extremely offensive so try not to discuss it with her. You can try and work it out other ways such as touching her to gauge a response. If you’re brave enough to kiss her on the first date you should know by her reaction if she will be receptive to more intimacy!
2. DON’T KEEP TALKING ABOUT YOUR EX’s.  Men just can’t usually help themselves and go on and on about their ex wives and girlfriends. Many guys talk about totally inappropriate stuff, which makes women wonder what they may be saying about them one day.
3. DON’T DISCLOSE TOO MUCH. WOMEN HAVE LONG MEMORIES.  You say something as a throw away comment and a woman will remember it for twenty years. So just make sure if you are telling untruths that you remember otherwise you will be caught out big time.
4. DON’T FLIRT WITH OTHER WOMEN. Never ever flirt with other women at least when you’re on a date. It would be good if you don’t do it later either because sooner or later it will be flung in your face. You’ll be accused of all sorts of stuff.
5. DON’T BE UNRELIABLE. You will get a huge amount of brownie points if you’re reliable from the start. Do what you say you are going to do, be where you say you are and be on time. Don’t just do it for the first few weeks and then forget about it.
6. DON’T TAKE HER FOR GRANTED. Never just assume she’s going to be available. Always give her the respect that you would like yourself. Don’t call her at 4.30pm and say would you like to go out for dinner tonight. She’ll think she was an after thought or you’ve had a cancellation.
7. DON’T IGNORE HER NEEDS.  This is a big one. Because first you have to work out what her needs are. Her needs may be simple like changing a light globe for her. Or more complex, like telling her how much she means to you – this stuff is more challenging.

Dating at our age is complex as we all have so much baggage, some good and some bad. Even the good baggage can create issues because it can make our expectations unrealistic. Many of us also have health issues that can make intimacy difficult.

Then the huge one for women.  BEING NAKED WITH A NEW MAN!

The alternative is not to have intimacy in our lives. Many of us me included don’t fancy that.

Carole L. xxx