Many couples choose to sleep separately despite living in the same house, but while some revel in the peace and the extra space, it’s sometimes the case that one person is left feeling upset their partner no longer wants to share a bed with them.
That’s the situation one woman has found herself in after revealing her partner resorts to sleeping on the sofa most nights as he can’t stand being in the same bed as her. Posting in online forum Mumsnet, she wrote: “AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to feel a bit sad about this?
“I completely get it. He likes space, he doesn’t sleep well, he’s [6.3 feet] and sleeps better on his own. I guess, I just don’t like that he doesn’t like me being in bed with him.”
The woman added she’s six month pregnant and finds comfort in having him next to her at night. “[But] he just lays there frustrated wishing I wasn’t there. He’s now resorted to sleeping on the sofa all the time,” she wrote.
“AIBU to let this bother me? Can you still have a good relationship and sleep in separate rooms? Is this a normal way to feel?”
It seems many other couples have been through a similar experience with their own partners, with many admitting they prefer sleeping separately.
“I wouldn’t be too offended at this OP [original poster]. He feels the way he feels. I also really really hate sharing a bed and haven’t for many years. Marriage is fine — we’re both happy, sleep well in our own rooms — it’s really not a problem,” one commentator wrote.
Another added: “I hate sharing a bed with anyone too. I think many marriages would be happier if people slept separately, because I actually think what your DH [darling husband] feels is common.”
And a third wrote: “Honestly, it’s bliss. I used to make excuses but the truth is, I love sleeping on my own! DP [darling partner] and DS [darling son] both snore and I’m such a light sleeper these days. It doesn’t affect our relationship at all.”
However, others admitted they’d also be upset over this, with one adding: “I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all! I’d be really upset if my husband didn’t want to sleep in the same bed”.
For those who do choose to sleep in separate beds, it’s usually a matter of convenience, not a sign the relationship is on rocky ground.
Relationships Australia CEO Elisabeth Shaw told Starts at 60 it’s a lot more common for couples to have seperate beds than people think. She explained the reason was most often because of a health concern, or one person being a restless sleeper. Other possible reasons include snoring, sleep apnea, different schedules, a young child sleeping in the bed, or simply one person in the relationship needing more sleep.
According to a 2015 survey by the US-based National Sleep Foundation, an estimated one in four couples sleep in separate bedrooms or beds.