Divorce can be a challenging time for any family, but it can be even more daunting for the children who may struggle to understand the change in their parents’ relationship and the new family dynamic being established.
Grandparents have special relationships with their grandchildren, especially while they’re still young and are seen as a source of fun, comfort and security. As grandparents, your unique role in providing stability, love, and understanding to your grandchildren can be crucial and most comforting during this horrible period of transition. While their world is being turned upside down you may just be the only constant in their lives who can add a sense of calmness, just by your presence.
Starts at 60’s family law expert Ella Hickman from Hickman Family Lawyers in Perth has put together 10 ways you can support your grandchildren through their parents’ divorce. Many of these are simple, yet can be very effective at creating a smooth transition for your grandchildren during divorce.
1. Open Communication
If you haven’t done so yet, create a safe space where grandchildren feel comfortable talking about their feelings. You don’t have to make a big thing out of it, but encourage open communication by sharing some of your own experiences of how you overcame some perhaps similar challenges in your life.
By being in constant contact and lending an ear to listen to them, your grandchildren may find it easier to open up and share their own thoughts.
2. Reassure Them
Assure your grandchildren that they are and always will be loved by both of their parents and by you. It may be difficult for a small child to understand why a parent is not visiting them as regularly anymore, and in their current state of confusion they may think that the divorce was their fault. Reassure them that it’s normal to feel that way but try to gently show them they should not feel guilty at all. Keeping the conversation as natural as possible, remind them in your own way that the divorce was never their fault.
3. Maintain Routine
Without bending the rules too far and remaining a source of comfort and fun, you can help maintain stability by sticking to established routines when they visit or stay with you. Consistency can be comforting for many young children during uncertain times.
4. Listen Actively
Pay close attention to what your grandchildren are saying. Sometimes they may express their feelings verbally, but often they can do so indirectly through play or behaviour. At the same time, don’t try to prise information out of them. Keep things as normal as possible and let them tell you what they want to tell you. This helps confirm that their thoughts and feelings are genuine.
5. Offer Practical Help
If possible, offer practical assistance to your child and their ex, if possible, with things like babysitting, helping with chores, homework, or getting the kids to school and other activities. Take the kids to a movie, a park or have them over for the day, giving Mum or Dad some much- needed time off, reducing stress for everyone involved. It will also provide you an extra opportunity to bond with your grandchildren and perhaps even give you more purpose in life at the same time.
6. Be Neutral
Avoid taking sides or criticising either parent in front of your grandchildren. By remaining openly unbiased and speaking kindly of both their parents, you’ll be strengthening their trust in you as well as their parents, encouraging them to confide in you and sharing their own opinions and feelings.
7. Educate Yourself
Learn about resources available for children of divorced parents, such as counselling services or support groups near your area. They’re all easily available at a click of a button. Family Relationships Online is a great place to start. You may know of people who have gone through a similar situation that you could tap into for advice. Knowledge empowers you to offer informed guidance.
8. Validate Their Feelings
Acknowledge your grandchildren’s emotions, even if they seem unusual or difficult. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. Be available to listen to them while they want to discuss how they feel as well. Sometimes just talking things out can help to lighten their load a little.
9. Create Distractions
Plan fun activities or outings to distract them from the stress of the divorce proceedings. These exciting experiences can provide a much-needed break for everyone involved, including you. This can give them something nice to look forward to as well, even if it’s something simple like a trip to the beach or going out for a milkshake. There are also heaps of things you can do at home with your grandchildren. Here’s a fabulous list of ideas of activities you can do with your grandchildren to inspire you.
10. Stay Involved
If you’re lucky enough to be living near your grandchildren, remain or become more involved in their day to day lives and attend important events like school functions or sports games. Your presence shows them that you love them and that they are still part of a loving family. If you live far away from them it does make things more difficult, but we are fortunate to have today’s technology, which allows us to chat, text and video call at the tap of a screen. Whatever works for you, stay in contact and involved in their lives as much as you can, and as they might let you.
Helping your grandchildren through their parents’ divorce requires patience, empathy and understanding. That’s not always easy and emotional for you as well. But by providing a stable and supportive environment, you can help them adjust to the sudden changes in their family dynamics. Remember, your role as a grandparent is invaluable during this challenging time, and your love and strength for them will continue to be a pillar of support for many years to come. The time you spend with your grandchildren is precious and it doesn’t last long, so make every second count. Before you know it they’re grown up and suddenly they’re gone. While you may not realise it at the time, every minute you spend with them is an opportunity to mentor your grandchildren, make a positive impact and instil values in them that they will carry throughout their lives. There is no better gift that you can give them.
If you need legal advice or guidance on matters related to divorce and its impact on your family, we recommend speaking to a family lawyer who can guide your whole family through the complexities of divorce with care and understanding.