The School teacher sent home a note with her student. The note reads, ”Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.” Mother sends a note back the following day, ”Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem.’

Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): “I hired a lawyer for you this morning, Slim, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer.” Slim: “Did he keep it?” Pickpocket: “He thinks he did.”

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir? Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife. Waiter: Rare it is.