Q. I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
A. I just can’t seem to put it down.
Need to freshen up your material for the Grandkids so you can really inspire an eye-roll from the pre-teens and teenagers? We have the best of the best Dad jokes here today for your study-needs. Got some to add? Leave them below.
Q. Our wedding was so beautiful …
A. Even the cake was in tiers.
Q. Dad, can you put the cat out?
A. I didn’t know it was on fire.
Q. This graveyard looks overcrowded.
A. People must be dying to get in there.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite
Q. I hate jokes about German sausages.
A. They’re the wurst.
Q. Can February March?
A. No, but April May
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
A. I just can’t seem to put it down.
Q. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
A. He let out a little wine.
Q. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.
A. It’s a total rip-off.
Q. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
A. It was two tired.
Q. Want to hear a joke about construction?
A. I’m still working on it.
Q. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A. Nacho Cheese.
Q. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
A. Great food, no atmosphere.
Q. Want to hear a joke about paper?
A. Never mind it’s tearable.
Q. I just watched a program about beavers.
A. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
Q. How does a penguin build it’s house?
A. Igloos it together.
Q. Dad, did you get a haircut?
A. No I got them all cut.
Q. What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?
A. Carlos.
Q. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A. Because he was outstanding in his field.
Q. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A. Because they have no body to go with.
Q. I’ll call you later.
A. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
Q. Whenever the cashier at the supermarket asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag
A. He replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
Q. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
A. Roberto.
Q. What’s brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
Q. I’ve never gone to a gun range before.
A. I decided to give it a shot!
Q. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A. It’s fine, he woke up.
Q. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.
A. It was sole destroying.
Q. A furniture store keeps calling me.
A. All I wanted was one night stand.
Q. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.
A. I’m just doing it for kicks.