Heaven, hell and everything in between have long been the perfect setting for a good joke.
Whether it’s a witty take on the afterlife, a clever twist on human nature, or a punchline that sneaks up on you, these kinds of jokes have a timeless appeal. They’re a little cheeky, occasionally irreverent, but always designed to make you laugh.
So if you’re in the mood for something light-hearted, here are five jokes that prove humour really does know no bounds – not even in the afterlife.
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have gotten down there, send him up here.” Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”
God says, “Send him back up here, or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”
My father once asked me if I knew the difference between heaven and hell … “In heaven” he said, “the Italians make the food and the British run the government”. He then paused and said, “In hell, the British make the food and the Italians run the government”.
The distance between heaven and hell … New research shows that the distance between heaven and hell is closer than we previous thought. It only takes 3 cm in the wrong direction for a woman to go “Oh my God!” to “WHAT THE HELL!”
The Pope dies and goes to heaven where Saint Peter personally greets him at the Pearly Gates.
“Pope,” says St. Peter, “you’ve been a good person and are one helluva (har har) guy so if there’s anything you need or want to do up here, just let me know and I’ll set you up.”
“Well,” the Pope says hesitantly, “there is one thing. I’ve always wanted to read the original version of the Bible just to see what got lost in translation.”
“No problem, “says St. Peter and quickly ushers the Pope to Gods Library (Special Collections Branch) where the original Bible is kept. He sits the Pope down in front of the massive tome and says “Here you go and remember, if you need anything, just holler and I’ll be right there.” The Pope agrees and happily begins to read.
Nobody hears anything from him for years and years until one day suddenly a loud scream (followed by various and asundry curses) erupts from the Library.
Saint Peter hurries over and sees the Pope standing in front of the original Bible, pointing at a particular verse and saying “No no no” over and over again.
“What’s wrong, what’s wrong?” Saint Peter gasps as he hurries up to the Pope.
“It says celeBRATE, celeBRATE!!!” the Pope yells.