There is a particular kind of joke that makes you groan so loudly that people in the next room ask if you are alright. These are those jokes. Five of them, all loosely connected by the theme of losing things – watches, sight, jobs, tourists, and any remaining sense of dignity. The tour guide one is possibly the darkest joke we have ever published. The cemetery one is a close second. The watch joke, however, is a masterclass in the art of the punchline – it builds, it misdirects, and then it lands exactly where you did not expect it to. We are not apologising for any of them. Not even slightly.

An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. “Am I glad to see you!” he said. “I’ve been lost for three days.” “Don’t get too excited, friend,” the other hunter replied. “I’ve been lost for three weeks.”

As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

Sadly, I’ve lost 20% of my sight …. Sigh

I once lost my watch at a party. after an hour of searching, i saw a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. I immediately went to him, kicked him, and saved the woman … no one ever harasses a female, not on my watch.

Unfortunately my dad lost his job at the cemetery yesterday. He buried someone in the wrong hole. It was a grave mistake.