When we were discussing retirement, I asked my partner the obvious question: ‘So what are you going to do? You don’t have a hobby.’

His answer? ‘You. You are my hobby.’

I waited for the punchline. There wasn’t one.

If you’re approaching retirement with a similar ‘plan,’ here are seven reasons why you might want to rethink that strategy – before your partner changes the locks.

1. Your partner has been looking forward to this too – just differently

While you’ve been counting down to freedom, your partner has been counting down to … their own version of it. Maybe that’s finally having the house to themselves during the day. Maybe it’s their own retirement plans that don’t involve you as a permanent sidekick. Either way, announcing you’ll now be their full-time shadow is not the gift you think it is.

2. ‘Retired Husband Syndrome’ is a real thing

In Japan, it’s so common there’s a medical diagnosis for it – wives developing stress-related health issues after their husbands retire. Symptoms include headaches, irritability, and an overwhelming urge to hide in the garden shed. Don’t be the cause of a medical condition.

3. Grey divorce has tripled since the 1990s

And retirement is often the trigger. Couples who rubbed along fine when they only saw each other evenings and weekends discover that 24/7 togetherness is a different beast entirely. A retirement plan that consists of ‘following you around’ is a fast track to separate living arrangements.

4. Your mates from work won’t call as much as you think

That farewell party with all the ‘let’s catch up for coffee’ promises? Most of them won’t happen. Work friendships are often proximity friendships – and when the proximity goes, so do the regular catchups. You need to actively build a social life outside work before you leave, not after.

5. Your identity is about to have a crisis

For decades, when someone asked, ‘What do you do?’ you had an answer. Now what? ‘I’m retired’ gets old fast. Without purpose, structure, and something that’s yours, that first year can feel less like freedom and more like floating. Men especially struggle with this – we tie so much of who we are to what we do.

6. The research is clear: relationships matter more than money

Study after study shows that relationship quality, not portfolio size, is the biggest predictor of retirement satisfaction. You can have all the super in the world, but if you’re driving your partner crazy and you’ve got no mates, you’re not going to enjoy spending it.

7. Your partner has probably already read this article

And they’re nodding. Vigorously. Possibly printing it out and leaving it on your pillow. Take the hint.

The good news?

None of this is hard to fix. It just takes some thought before you finish up – not after.

Find something that’s yours. Reconnect with old mates or make new ones. Have the conversation with your partner about what retirement actually looks like for both of you. Join a Men’s Shed, take up pickleball, learn Italian, volunteer – anything that gives you purpose, connection and somewhere to be that isn’t following your partner to the shops.

Retirement can be brilliant. But only if you’ve got a plan beyond ‘you are my hobby.’

Ness Heckscher is the author of Retired and Underfoot: A Bloke’s Guide to Not Wrecking Your Marriage – available now on Amazon.