Bette Midler’s song ‘Ya gotta have friends’ echoes a very important truth. That truth is we need our friends, and they need us. I love my girlfriends; each and every one of them bring something special to my life and, as they stick around, I must bring something special to theirs.
My first best friend was and still is Helen. We went to school together and were firm friends right until we became teenagers and then marriage and geography separated us. But she found me again years later and the friendship, in spite of both of us being in different countries, still carries on by phone and email. We talk about everything and anything. We are the same age so our shared vintage allows us to laugh as we chat about the challenges of growing up.
Then there are the friends whom I found along the way. Several colleagues from my last job are still in my life and we catch up regularly. One in particular has become a very close friend. She will arrive on my doorstep with a home cooked dinner when I’m sick.
Then there are the girls from my church Connect group. Not only do we pray together, but we socialise as well. Most of us are single, so the odd weekend away or dinner out is frequently on the agenda. These girls have my back, and I have theirs. When I have a family or health issue, I let them know and I know that they are supporting me in their prayers. Sometimes they are the glue that keeps me together, and in return, I pray for them and their families.
Two bookclubs have given me two more sets of friends. Both groups only have three of us as its easier to catch up. All of these women are my good friends. We talk about books of course, but mostly about family, dreams, worries and more. I have travelled with one of these women and the other I meet regularly for coffee. Then there is the woman I met at the gym years ago, and we are still friends. And my old flatmates whom I re-discovered on Facebook. And as my two children have grown up, I can happily say that I would call them my friends as well. My younger sister is a best friend; we share all of our worries and hopes for our lives and the lives of our children and grandchildren.
So what is friendship? It’s not a schmaltzy thing, but something solid real and practical. When my retina detached five years ago, I was forced to rest. One kind woman and her friend helped me in so many practical ways. She did my washing, cleaned my house and more. I still have a strong friendship with this woman and we speak on the phone most days. She will drop everything to help if I need it and feeds my cat Gracie when I am away. Likewise I do the same for her; she has health issues and I do all that I can to make her life easier.
Friendship; it’s a listening ear, empathy, kindness, being a keeper of secrets, non judgemental, yet being brutally honest when needed. I have needed to encourage one friend to get out of a bad relationship as I could see the negative impact it had on her life. She thanks me now. Likewise I have had a few verbal slaps from friends who know just what I need. But the love there makes a bitter pill easier to swallow.
I’m finding now that I’m not at work I have more time for catch ups, a cuppa, movies or a walk on the beach or a visit to browse the shops. These women are all so important, and to anyone who is lonely, my one word of advice is that you need to be a friend in order to have a friend. I love my friends. They have hauled me through depression and out the other side into the daylight. They have driven me around when needed, fed me, cooked for me, hugged me and stayed in contact even when I was too depressed to even get out of bed.
Yes, Bette Midler is so right. The song may be dated, but the sentiment is not. You gotta have friends.