Why is ‘Little Johnny’ the butt of the joke?

Little Johnny has always been a naughty boy… But why? John ponders what it is like living in the shadows of this cheeky fictional character… 

As someone named John, I have always wondered why, when there is a story told of a naughty boy, his name is more often than not ‘Little Johnny’. I mean, every John I know well (yours truly included) is pretty straight-laced. Truly! I’d love to hear others’ theories on this…

The following are just a few of the many thousands of stories about the lad. A couple of them were old when my grandfather was a child but there are a couple of others I haven’t struck before. I hope you get a chuckle from them!

Little Johnny has some nerve…

One day Johnny watched as his father stepped out of the shower.
“What’s that thing, Daddy?” he asked.
Quick thinking, his father replied, “That’s my nerve, son.”
Little Johnny went off to school. During the morning, desperate to go to the toilet but realising he’d never make it, he stopped and had to pee in a waste paper basket.
Miss Jones said, “Little Johnny, you’ve got a nerve!”
“Yes, Miss. I just wish you could see my father’s, though!”

The wrong meaning…
One day, during an English lesson, the teacher asked for a show of hands to see who could use the word “beautiful” twice in the same sentence.
She called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher.
She then called on Michael, who replied, “My Mum planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.
“That’s excellent, Michael!”
The teacher went around the entire class and finally called on little Johnny. He said, “Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Oh beautiful, just bloody beautiful!’ ” 

Johnny the blab…
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father replied, “Because, when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure they are healthy and in good shape before I buy them.”
Johnny, looking a bit worried, said, “Gee, Dad, I think the Australia Post parcel delivery bloke wants to buy Mum.”

When Johnny doesn’t understand…
Teacher asked her class to give a sentence including the word fluctuate.
Annie explained her Dad watches the stock exchange fluctuate. “Very good, Annie. What about you, David?”
David’s father was an oceanographer, so he told the class how his Dad watched the tide fluctuate.
“I am so excited at how well you children are doing,” said the teacher.
She continued through the class before asking for an explanation from the last child, Johnny.
Johnny responded that he gets sick if he eats certain things. He went home yesterday feeling sick so his mother asked him, “Johnny, what the fluctuate now…?!” 

Johnny the charmer…
One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. Mr Jones next
door saw hims and decided to check on what was happening.
“Hello Johnny. What are you up to today?” he asked.
“Oh, my goldfish died and I’m just going to bury him,” said Johnny.
“My word, that’s a big hole to bury a goldfish, isn’t it?”
“Yep, that’s ‘cos he was inside your cat…!”

Johnny the thief…
It’s Grand Final day, Geelong playing Hawthorn, with 100,000-plus people roaring their heads off during a close match. Little Johnny sits in a corporate box enjoying the game. The man sitting next to him asks, “How did you manage to get a ticket, young man?”
Johnny replies, “From my brother.”
“Oh, and where’s your brother?”
“At home, looking for his ticket!”

Do you have any other funny ‘Little Johnny’ stories you can share with us today? Tell us in the comments below…