Christine is back with another of her hilarious three-part ‘What Pisses Me Offs’ (WPMOs).
1. I recently discovered a delicious brand of gluten free frozen meals. I was buying four every fortnight, they were so handy. I especially loved the Risotto Primavera, right up until I got a dodgy one. The consistency was different to the ones I had eaten on two previous occasions and my gut instincts were screaming “Don’t Eat It” but sadly my hunger and tiredness managed to override my instincts. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and if only I had listened I would have saved myself a considerable amount of discomfort because within twenty minutes of eating it, I was sitting on the throne crippled with pain. It then escalated over the next 24 hours, I will spare you the gory details, but I am sure I prayed for death at one stage. I contacted the company and they admitted they had “issues” with food losing temperature during transportation. Buyer Beware, no more frozen meals for this little black duck!
2. I recently did some dog minding for my son. One dog is the equivalent in size of a small horse, the other dog was about half the size. My son left very early for work so he put the dogs in my backyard while I was still sleeping. When I woke, I managed to drag myself to the kitchen and reached for the switch to heat the magnificent liquid. Nothing says “Don’t Mess With Me In The Morning” better than the delicious aroma of coffee brewing. I waited till I had my first cup before I checked the dogs; I need to be heavily medicated with coffee before I can function. Sipping my magic elixir and looking out the window, I see the two K9 equivalents of wrecking balls going through the gardens. I think both dogs will be barking in soprano when all those cactus plants they have eaten start to reappear. Why the hell they called her Lola is beyond me. Lola is a ladies name and considering she has just dropped a surprise package all over Mum’s freshly painted garden gnome and is now laying down licking herself, She Ain’t No Lady! Better go clean up.
3. Earlier today I went through the checkout at the local IGA. A young girl served me with the usual generic questions. How is your day? Do you have anything planned or are you just going to chill out on the couch and do nothing? I could have said “Well I walk a fine line between gardening, washing, ironing, cleaning, shopping, patting the dog, helping my son, holding a mirror under Mum’s nose to make sure she is still breathing and……Totally losing my shit” but I didn’t say any of that. I remained delightful and said “The couch sounds good” because not everything Pisses Me Off! Then I jumped back on Mum’s mobility scooter and rode it back down the hill at a strapping 10k an hour, singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow.
Did this make you laugh? What pisses you off?
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