Christine is back with another of her hilarious three-part ‘What Pisses Me Offs’ (WPMOs).
1. I was recently suffering my own personal dilemma with absolutely nothing Pissing Me Off. A friend told me it was probably “writer’s block”. I had to laugh at that because calling myself a “writer” is a hell of a stretch – maybe I have written that many of these blogs that I am running out of material – maybe I needed to go walkabout and look for something to Piss Me Off! Thankfully the WPMO Gods stepped in and lead me to read an article about a woman’s frustration with her bra, and I could immediately relate to her tale of woe. Bras have always pissed me off! I was wearing the wrong size for over 20 years, and that is a long time to be uncomfortable. I was too proud or too stupid to go and be properly fitted, my mindset was always “I am a woman dammit, I should be able to at least get my bra size correct.” Then one day, I experienced a light bulb moment and decided to try a bigger size. Well, talk about a revelation! I bought 3 of them and when I got home I threw the others in the bin and never felt uncomfortable again. To this day I have no idea if the new ones were the correct size. All I know is I no longer felt the need to unclip my bra and flick it across the room the minute I walked in the front door. I am now a lot older, and hopefully wiser. A couple of years ago I discovered the Ahhhhh Bras. While I think it is a stupid name, I did go ‘ahhhhh’ when I first put one on, and they do manage to stop the girls from looking for dropped coins on the floor.
2. Then Facebook started to Piss Me Off. I couldn’t make any delightful comments on anything and posts were disappearing from my wall. The icing on the WPMO cake arrived in the form of a detailed private message from a rather dodgy man, accompanied by a friend request. He went into great detail telling me how beautiful I was and declaring his love for my 45-year-old profile picture. His request? He only needed $5,000 to finish building a school in Nigeria. He knew from my profile picture that we were meant to be together and I should not worry about distance, because after he finished building the school we were going to get married, and of course we would live happily ever after. I replied with “Malang, Malay, whatever the hell your name is, if you look really hard at my profile picture you will NOT see the word SUCKER tattooed on my forehead.” I reported him, then blocked him, and hopefully he is back in whatever hole he crawled out of.
3. It was the weekend. The sun was shining and Mum wanted to have some lunch out on the back porch. She was comfortable and relaxed and had my gorgeous grandson for company while I finished helping my son in the front yard. Thirty minutes later I came into the backyard to find Mum white as a sheet and sprawled out on a garden chair. She looked like death warmed up, her arms were hanging down over the chair and she still had a hammer in her right hand. My grandson was holding the other hammer. He had a grin from ear to ear and he was doing his own little happy dance while yelling “I love this family, everybody is crazy, I am not allowed to wreck anything at home.” Apparently Mum felt she had no option but to smash all the cement surrounding the water feature, after all, the fairy door was broken. Just a shame she forgot we had a spare fairy door in the laundry cupboard. Oh Well!
Did this make you laugh? What pisses you off?
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