I’ve inherited my mum’s enemies

When my mother passed away, I thought she had left a wonderful legacy behind — she was a great mother, a

When my mother passed away, I thought she had left a wonderful legacy behind — she was a great mother, a true friend and an amazing woman to know. Or that is what I believe to be true.

My family, on the other hand, have been trying to taint the memory I have about her, by being rather venomous while talking about her.

The reason for this is simple — in the later years of her life, my mum took a stand against what some people were saying and doing within the family — and because they thought she was wrong, they decided to punish her for it. I come from a big family, and everyone talks to everyone else. This meant that mum was slowly uninvited from family functions, cut off from seeing her nieces and nephews or their children, and my siblings even decided that they weren’t going to speak to her anymore.

I’ve always had a good relationship with my mum, which was why when troubles were brewing, I staunchly stood by her. Even when it was my grandmother who had an issue, or my father, or my brother — my mum had my unflinching support. I feel that at least because of this, no matter how tough things got, my mum always felt like she had someone in her corner. I didn’t say anything to anyone, but I was always there to lend a helping hand, or to listen if she needed someone to.

However, now that she has passed, everyone has chosen to focus their unresolved resentment towards me. I have tried explaining to all the members of the family that I was on her side because no one else was. I asked them how they would have felt had they been in her situation, but they won’t hear a word of it! They all believe that I was conspiring against them, and letting me back into their lives would not bode well. I think they see my reaching out to them as a sign of weakness. I’m slowly starting to lose respect for them, but I can’t help but try to be friends with my ‘enemies’.

The reason I’m so concerned about these ‘enemies’ that I now have, is that my family won’t get to know the joys and trials of being part of a big family. I don’t think that’s fair. Do you?

How do you proceed when you’re forced into taking on enemies because they disliked your loved one?

  1. Time is great healer. stand true and they will come around when they see you living your life. If they don’t then they are not worth your time. Move on…

  2. My situation is the opposite. My mother blamed me for the big secret of her life being exposed. When my sister told her that I had been contacted by the daughter she gave away, she said I always knew she’d find out, but I was hoping I’d be dead before she did. Her attitude towards me became almost unbearable, nothing I said or did was right, I was a sook because I had depression, she took my husband’s side when he ended our marriage. It got so bad I refused to take her to the cancer clinic because she belittled me to the staff, despite the fact my health is poor and I struggle every day she’d tell them I didn’t want to be there. I was there for her at the end, but was left out of the funeral preparations despite the fact I had been involved in organising them for years in the previous parish I’d lived in.
    My young sister accused me of making up the terrible things my mother had said about her mother and my father.
    In the end I walked away and moved back to the country. I don’t see a lot of my family or my grandchildren but I’m happy here, and built a good relationship with one sister and one brother.
    Just do what’s best for you, let them come to you don’t bother trying to make it up. Eventually the truth will out.

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