I feel like nobody cares – part 2

This confronting blog is part two of a two-part series.  You can read part one here.  This blog is about
Opinion

This confronting blog is part two of a two-part series.  You can read part one here.  This blog is about raising awareness of a situation many are too afraid to talk about.  It may be distressing to some readers.

Firstly I am a very private person, who regrets causing any harm with sharing my plight, I wish I had never done it, I was always taught, private things should be private things.

I have carefully read all of the replies; it worries me to think that I am not alone. However a few have missed the plot, with talk of downsizing, using less, etc. We have lost everything, no house, no super, nothing, only renting which we can no longer afford, our old car my wife drives is not insured, and I fear for her every time she travels in it.

Let me start by saying that I am not a ‘misery guts’, far from it. The people that I know and deal with, know I have a positive, carefree attitude, always smiling; and ready for a laugh. My friends and family have no idea of the boiling depth of despair that swirls internally like some huge volcano, trying to erupt, controlling my every breath and heartbeat, which at times races uncontrollably.

They do not see my hands shaking in fear or the tears that fall when I am in the shed, in the garden, or alone.
No one sees the long dark hours of the night as I lay awake, just shaking my head from side to side, like some painted clown at the show.

This includes my wonderful wife who knows full well of our predicament and for some strange reasons, trusts me to find a way out of it.

(Although most times I can only see one.)

I agree that positive thinking is fine, but when my wife wants to go and have a coffee with someone, and we do not have $4 so that she is able. All of the happy thoughts, positive attitude in the world, even changing my blood group to ‘B positive’, will not work; will not change the deep pain, twisting like a knife in my stomach, seeing her trembling lips, and deep breath, as she says, “Well, maybe I can go next month.”

This was my point. This is probably inconceivable to some of you, who are reading this, but it happens.

A few years ago I would have thought it inconceivable as well.

You may also find it inconceivable that we went from Tuesday to Friday with not a cent to our name, nothing in the bank, nothing for food, or milk, nothing, fortunately, we had food in the freezer, veggies in the garden and enough milk for my wife’s tea.

This is the level of despair that I and I feel others out there face, sometimes daily.

What can we do about it? “Nobody cares.”

In reading some of the replies, about get out of your rut, and be positive, change your attitude e.t.c. I whole heartily agree with them. When we see on TV, the celebrities, sporting people and the well to do, claim they are suffering from depression and break downs, my wife just shakes her head, “If we could only tell them the depths of my depression, they would wake up to themselves.”

Let them walk in my shoes.

If you could just spend a moment to walk in my shoes, which are nailed to the floor, you would realise that you can’t take the first step, to raise you’re sole.

(Sorry about that, but it is true.)

Our children know that I have no work, but they have their own lives, children and expenses. I cannot burden them with me being a loser, with my inability to handle things, to get a job and with my failures. They see me as the stable one, growing my veggie garden, taking photos, playing with grandkids etc. Why should I break their heart with our plight? Isn’t two broken hearts enough?

Again thank you all, I am sorry that you have had to suffer the agony of my story, perhaps it is too late for me, but just perhaps it may help others out there. Others who have the dark clouds of poverty, worry and depression building in their world, remember you can turn your face to the sun, you should go and seek help before it is too late, don’t give up, you can get through it.

To the men over 60 who read the headlines, ‘Brave men save lives.’

Be brave, the life that you save may be your own; please seek help, if not for yourself for your families sake.

If you could offer one piece of advice to our anonymous contributor, what would it be? 

If you or a family member are experiencing a personal crisis and need someone to talk to, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

  1. All I can say through the tears is find someone to talk to , also your family . They could help even if it is only milk or food. I wish you all the best and hope you find someone who can help

  2. Ann frost  

    I am in the same boat being 63 and on a disability pension. I have just gone through the worst six months of my life. I had to move from the place I rented for 28 years, my father almost died from a massive heart attack, then my mother did die all in the time I had to move out. I was left with a huge job of moving and very little time and money to do so. I didn’t know where I could go with my animals because I was living on a property. I had to give away a lot of my belongings only to have the people I gave the things to come back and rob me. Things brightened up a bit when a friend turned up one day and said I could rent his cottage. It’s not much of a place and I have a lot further to travel but my dad bought me a car and it’s a lovely location so for now I am happy. The stress of the last six months has caused a lot of health issues that I have to deal with and I don’t know how long I can stay here but I choose to live day to day. I sell things at the local market when I am able to which helps to pay for little extras. You are right nobody cares especially when you don’t. If you don’t figure out a way to help yourself and deal with your depression you won’t survive. There are lots of groups on Facebook that help people struggling you have to make the effort to contact them. Best wishes for your future.

  3. Ann  

    You are not a loser – you are a brave man and I feel for you and the depth of despair you live in. By sharing your story you may not know it but you have probably taken the first step out of your dark tunnel and I applaud you. That might sound hollow to you but truthfully my heart goes out to you

  4. Irene McElroy  

    Twenty years ago my husband and I stood in the DSS building in tears, no money, no food and unable to pay the rent. We lost our house, our business and even a small block of land which was our nest egg all through the same downturn that affected so many people at that time. We were advised to register then with the Department of Housing and went onto an early pension for my husband and a Job search allowance for me. We survived! I did odd jobs (not always declared to the DSS). We grew potatoes and lettuce, and ate the two combined quite frequently as our main meal. We are now 80 and 71 respectively, and were fortunate enough to be allocated a unit after five years wait. Thank God, as my husband was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and is now in remission. We now feel we can finally relax and enjoy our old age. We can go out and have a milk shake and donut and not worry. Be brave, you brought tears to my eyes with the memories of the bad times.

  5. Cassandra Ogden  

    Keep trying please keep trying

  6. mary Andresen  

    You do not have to be the husband to feel this way. I retired 2 yrs ago and my husband was made redundant 2 wks later. As he is 10 yrs younger, was easier to put him on my super…. We are suffering the same . Cannot afford the rent, run out of money every fortnight. Super is rapiditally diminishing… grow our own veg, do everything we can.

  7. Jenny Miners  

    I know you don’t want to hear every ones sad tails but I am a widow, 33 when I was first widowed I had nothing had to sell the old bomb car to pay for his funeral, other car was on hire purchase plan, an I needed it to get to work, that’s all I had a car and a new job, but I got there saved paid into super, was hit by a car sued used the compo money to buy a allocated income to supplement the pension, then the GFC hit, firm looking after my money didn’t watch and I lost half my capital, so with in a few months I will be on pension only.
    My questions have you been to center link, you may be eligible, for assistance, unemployment benefit, rent assistance, have you applied for public housing here in Queensland they have separate units for seniors, I live in one and am very happy. Don’t be to proud to ask for help you have paid your taxes and worked hard you have earnt some help, your car have you looked at 3rd party property, it covers damage to the other car not yours, but can save a big debt, you can cover for fire and theft as well. Apply for a seniors card you get lots of discounts some only small but they add up, lots of places you have to ask, but others have a small sticker in their window. maybe rethink what your wants and needs are I haven’t been out for coffee since my accident, good luck don’t give up Jenny

  8. Pearl  

    Here in Victoria, very small country towns are very cheap to rent and caravan parks are cheap and peaceful. New start in life will give you space to breathe, relax and think ahead.No I don’t believe for one minute that you and your wife will not be able to start new life.I am sure Centerlink will give you some payments. Then you can write bestseller how you survived. Take care

  9. Carmel  

    You are not a loser, believe me I have met some in my life and you certainly do not qualify by any stretch. I have never been a parent but have been a child. My late mother was the same as you, keep the children protected at all costs even when I was an adult. Until we had a discussion about why she was still treating me like a child when I was an adult. I would advise you to confide in your children, they deserve to know what you are going through and would be a bit of a shoulder to lean on, as no doubt you have been to them. I do hope you can get through this dark patch in your life and come out the other side with a much better outlook.

  10. Pamela  

    To the writer:
    Take some steps to alleviate your problem –
    See Centrelink for some income.
    See your local charities for groceries and help with bills.
    Swallow your pride and tell your friends and family about your situation.
    Your wife’s friends (if genuine) should be happy to see her at their homes and include coffee in their invitations or meet at the coffee shop and take your own water to drink while they have coffee.
    Look through the stuff in your home and see if you can sell anything for additional funds.
    You say no-one cares about your situation. Many others are in the same boat.
    How many of those in your neighbourhood do you know about and care about?

    To Ann Frost:
    Be thankful you have a DSP.
    I also receive it as does a friend of mine.
    We decided to share a household which has helped both our budgets.

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