The secret to rekindling your relationship after the empty nest

Like most couples who can count the time they’ve been together in decades, not years, we had grown complacent, lackadaisical, perhaps even bored… or worse yet, boring. We had our big “now what?” moment when our youngest left for uni and knew that we had to do something to reconnect as the couple that fell in love all those years ago.

We couldn’t just pretend there hadn’t been a big change lives. Now, six years down the road we seem to have learned a few things – we like to call it breaking the empty nest rules, but we have also been reasonably successful at making the empty nest work.

While we would never advocate that everyone do things as drastically as we did – sell everything and hit the highway on an endless road trip – we have discovered something that we think will work across the board: do something completely new together.

This doesn’t mean taking up each other’s hobbies – although that can be nice too – it means something totally new, something neither of you have ever experienced. It doesn’t hurt to get out of your comfort zone a bit, either.

For us, this was travelling to places neither of us had ever been. We discovered awesome sights for the first time, learned about new cultures, and tried unique, exotic, and sometimes downright weird foods, together.

We always have something to talk about, laugh about, and learn about through each other’s perspective. But traveling certainly isn’t the only way to accomplish this; there are all sorts of opportunities much closer to home.

As our nest was emptying, but before we sold it, we both took part in a community theatre production of Jesus Christ Superstar. This was a fantastic way to come together as a couple, helping each other rehearse, working toward a common goal, and feeling pretty darn proud when we pulled it off in the performances.

There are plenty of other places to jump in too, such as volunteering. No doubt any number of organisations could use some help from a couple with the experience and wisdom of a few years under their belts.

Or how about going back to school? Certainly there’s an educational institution nearby that offers classes in subjects new and interesting to both spouses. It could be learning a new language, cooking, creative writing, or philosophy. The options are nearly endless.

Perhaps taking up a new sport could help rekindle the relationship. We’re not talking about going along on hubby’s next golf date, or to the next Pilates class with the wife. That’s not new to both and will probably go about as well as our skiing fiasco. Besides, if you’re anything like us, golf usually makes us feel like killing somebody. Not good for bonding.

But if neither spouse has ever ridden a horse, sailed a boat, hiked in the mountains, biked along the sea shore, or even gone skiing or played a round golf, then experiencing that for the first time, together, could have an amazing effect on a marriage.

It’s almost like dating again.

Tell us, what did you do with your partner once the kids left home?