There have been some horrible true stories in books, on the web and TV about children being bullied and abused and the resulting effects of those actions. Well, it doesn’t matter if you are young or old – bullying can affect anyone. You can always find someone who has been touched by cruelty.
This is not a blog looking for judgment or criticism, it’s for people that have been hurt, touched and harmed by their adult children’s abuse.
Unless you are the target (for whatever reason, gender, age, size, etc.), you can’t possibly understand what a scar on your soul it is to be ridiculed and bullied. We are all born with love in our hearts, but some people forget this and strike out at others because of their own unhappiness. When you realise the target is you, it can last a lifetime. I found when there was a quiet time of no communication that melancholia would set in and I would start thinking of my daughter when she was a child and innocent…then the hit, boom, the familiar hurt came back.
However, over time, thinking and writing I came to realise that I have been a target of bullies in one-way or another most of my “married” life and as I said, still am. I have never thought bad about anyone, only that society has mislead a lot of people and the laws do not protect the innocent victims of crime. This is not because of my upbringing. My parents were loving and nurturing. But when I joined the police force, I never really trusted anyone outside my family because of this. I was always suspicious of people, thinking they had an alternative motive. But thinking back this was probably the overall beginning of the bullying within my families problems. By marrying a policeman who then bullied and controlled his family by mental abuse and violence, unthinkable at the time, but it happened. In retrospect I should have got out of the situation a long time before, but having three small children to look after as well, made it difficult to leave and made me take the brunt of the abuse and bullying.
Whether you are young or old, if you are being bullied you must talk to someone about it. However, sometimes talking to your friends or family for a long time with nothing changing, people get bored with you and don’t want to hear about it anymore. At times like this, you need to find someone with no attachment to you or your attacker.
After deciding to write this blog I realised I have been bumping against one bully after another all my life. Please don’t let this happen to you.
This is about ‘change’. Is it possible? How it happens? What’s next?
“Your life is what you think about yourself, not what others think of you”.
While writing and re-reading this blog it has made me realise I have never stood my ground against family problems and family bullies. This is something I still have to work on. When I think back to my marriage, the father of my children, abused and bullied me until I could take no more, and I was forced by him to leave with my children. Probably he gave me an easy out, as I could not do it without the push. Now I think it was God sent.
You can call me crazy, but I still have hope that someday my daughter will find happiness and peace. At least enough to perhaps not tell me she hates me and will let me see my grandkids again (they are the innocent parties in all this and love their Nana). I actually saw the grandkids a while ago when my middle daughter took me with her. We had to meet at the coffee shop as she didn’t want me going to her house. My granddaughter who just turned 4 years old would not hug or talk to me (which was unusual as I had her most of the time till she was about two years old). Whatever my daughter said to her has affected my granddaughter; this is also a kind of child abuse. My daughter never spoke to me at all and when she opened presents for my two grandkids she stated it was more crap. That was the last straw, the door is now closed. She has tried to bully everyone else in our family as well. Remember, a bully is an unhappy person looking for a victim to punish.
Don’t let them bully you, even if they are family. Sometimes you just have to close the door. That is what I have forced myself to do. Yes, at times as I said before, I slip and feel love for her, but then the call or e-mail comes (usually asking me for money) and I go back to this blog and realise I need to close the door once again for protection. (At this time I am no longer answering any calls or emails)
I have two other older daughters, the eldest one who has put the bullying of their sister out of her life, the middle one only sees her for the sake of her children, and now with a wonderful partner that I have had for over 18 years I have to do the same. Who knows what will happen down the track, but now I am able to speak about it in this blog, I will be able to go forward with my life.
We can’t change the past but we can look to the future.
Just remember that God is our saviour. Things are here to try us and if we love and believe in God then all will be well in our future, regardless of our past experiences, failures and disappointments.
Remember God loves you and his love for you is unconditional.
Tell us, is this similar to your story? Have you had to forgive someone who treated you badly so you could move forward?