What Pisses Me Off: Me!

I piss myself off, yes thats right you read it correctly I piss myself off, I have been feeling very limited lately.

I don’t travel well because of the thrombosis clots in my legs, my legs are strong but the varicose veins in one leg can be painful the other leg is good as long as the cyst behaves. I can’t fly and it is not just because my arms get very tired, it’s because my brain shunt is too old. To be safe I would have to go in for a shunt replacement, a bit like an overhaul on a car motor, only I am not a car and my brain is not a motor. So pissed off with being me, maybe I should advertise for a body swap.

I could start with my hair, I am aware it is crazy hair, grows in all different directions quite unique really but I am guessing nobody would want to swap their golden locks for my mess. Quite frankly I wouldn’t blame them and seeing that my hair is attached to my head I am pretty sure nobody wants my dodgy grey matter. After all it has been tampered with, a bit like a dodgy mechanic winding back the odometer on a car, my surgeon did a good job keeping me alive but he fiddled with something and my memory of before that time was wiped.

Nobody would want my eyes, they have tried to detach from my retinas on more than one occasion apparently they got pissed off and tried to jump ship. The drops I have to use sting like blazes! My ears work, well one does the other has an infection in it at the moment making it hard to hear anything but on the upside I am 63 and I have heard enough.

I doubt if anyone would want my neck, it has been cut open more than once and the scars are less than glamorous, but on the upside it does a mighty fine job of holding my head up.

Whats next? Ah yes, the rest of me, is sort of the best of me, all the growths are gone and yes I have been neutered. Pretty much everything is gone and with everything that has been taken out of me I am constantly amazed that my head doesn’t sit on my feet. My arms are good, well not bad I just have to strap an ice pack on the right elbow a couple of times a day and it works fine… okay fair, it works fair. My butt is not a problem as I don’t have one I was definitely behind the door when backsides were being handed out, by the time I reach 70 I will be sitting on my spine.

I will just have to accept I am stuck with the three of us… me, myself and I, and not one of us has a fully functioning body, oh well… sh#t happens.

Is your body pissing you off?