Tobe Frank – a series of unfortunate events 22



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To be frank I’m starting to develop somewhat of a complex. It’s an unfortunate complex too…and I mean literally. 

On no less than five occasions this past month, people have said to me, “unfortunately, at your age…blah blah blah”!

What sort of a conversation starter is that? 

“Unfortunately at your age Mr Frank, abrasions on your leg are going to take longer to heal.”

“Unfortunately at your age you will start to forget things more regularly.”

“Unfortunately at your age, your body is not capable of doing things your mind might want to do!”

“Unfortunately at your age, it’s not uncommon for you to pee a little if you sneeze unexpectedly.

“Unfortunately at your age you will eventually call your son of 42 years by his actual name but not until you’ve first called him by that of his 27 cousins and the dog.”

Seriously though, at what point does my age become ‘unfortunate’?  Kids pee their pants too, but we don’t refer to their age as unfortunate.  Sure, it’s unfortunate that mum or dad has to change the sheets, but we don’t say ‘unfortunately Johnny, at your age you’re gonna wet the bed every second night’.

And why don’t I get accolades for my battle scars like kids at school do?  ‘Johnny! Hell of a scab there bud…WHOA! WHAT DID YOU DO! Cool man’.  For Johnny it’s a coming of age, for me, apparently, it’s all about my age.

My granddaughter can remember every line of every song on the latest One Direction album but can’t remember her times tables.  Personally I think that’s unfortunate but they clearly think it’s a rite of passage.  I call one of my family member’s by the name of another and I’ve committed a heinous crime.

Give me a break.  Quite frankly, I’m loving life and living more in retirement than I ever did during my working days.

Fortunately I have a sense of humour and can brush most of these unfortunate events off with a wry smile and a “fortunately, you young 20-something, after I change my pants, I’ll be fishing for the rest of the day while you flip burgers for minimum wage, because you flunked out of Uni or chose a degree to which there are no jobs”.

What’s genuinely unfortunate is that the missus has gone shopping again…and not for the grocery kind.

Unfortunately at your age Mr Frank, the hole in the bottom of the bucket is larger than the one on top.

Have  you ever received an ‘unfortunately at your age…’?  Share it with us.

Tobe Frank

Tobe Frank is a recently retired 62 year old gentleman with many views. He has grand ambitions for his retirement he just isn't sure what they are yet and is constantly looking around to find them. Tobe shares his views on Starts at Sixty regularly as one of our columnists.

  1. Well worth reading Tobe – quite frank as well ! I liked the hole at the top of the bucket saying – good on you !

  2. I loved this. Frank, may I call you Frank? We have so many people telling us these days how we will feel, how our bodies will react how we should deal with it etc. I say stuff em. They are the ones who have no idea, we have been there done that and plenty left to do. Frank you’re a doll and your article has made me smile this morning. Thank you.

  3. my daughter told me some months ago, gee mumma your old and getting really boring. id had no sleep from the pain i live in, it annoyed me instantly that yes im aging and yes im boring when im tired however i refuse to have words like that that i could dwell on. think daily, im alive im smiling and plenty of people out there are worse off than me.

  4. Oh yes definitely and I just hate it, I actually get it from my own doctor on a regular basis, so one day I thought to myself if he says that to me today he going to get it back, and yes you guessed it he did so I said to him have you ever thought about how long you have been my doctor to which his answer was yes many years, and I said yes that’s correct approximately 33 years, so I guess it is also unfortunate for you that age is also catching up with you then after a long pause I actually manage to get a smile from him as he is only 2 years younger than I.

  5. Love this! I know it’s ‘unfortunate’ – none of us need to be told!! We’ve figured it out all by ourselves! (I thank God everyday for ‘extra long panty liners’)! 🙂

  6. Yeah, have figured this out myself. Unfortunate that you don’t suit the GenY culture at our workplace (we found a better fit). Unfortunate that we can’t extend your loan (because you’ll probably die before you can pay it back). Unfortunate that we haven’t got a bed for you (we’ll concentrate on the younger ones). Unfortunate that we shouldn’t be lifting heavy objects (but non-one else will do it for us). You really have to laugh, it’s a mad world LOL

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