At this point I am beyond angry. My emotions are on a knife’s edge. I am trying to deal with all problems as they pop up and I have been doing really well, but when you have haters within your own family that treat you with utter contempt and will say and do anything to sabotage your relationships with not just family members but people in general, life becomes extremely difficult and frustrating. Most of the time I have no idea about the stories and lies that are being spread about me until they are brought to my attention and when they do come to light, I prefer to take the high road but some people believe the rubbish and damage is done.
Everything I do is wrong from what I eat to the way I have my hair cut to the shoes I put on my feet; it’s all wrong. If it is jealousy of the bond between myself and my son, I find that ridiculous. I am no threat; I am his mother. I was over the moon that he found someone that he wanted to spend his life with and I totally embraced her… it’s just a shame she cannot accept me for who I am.
I have kept my mouth firmly shut when I could have and probably should have said plenty. I said nothing just to try and keep things civil but everybody has a breaking point and just lately I feel I am fast reaching mine. I have felt a shift within me – it’s hard to explain but just feels like I have had enough. I wonder if other mother-in-laws are in the same boat? I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
In my desperation to be accepted, I buried the real me years ago. I have been wearing beige and never asking for any help but the hate continues. About two years ago while at an incredibly low point I had a serious discussion with myself. I looked at my anti-depressants and wondered if I really needed them or was I just a product of my environment. I needed to be strong within myself without relying on drugs of any description so I decided to wean myself off them and change the way I reacted to all the hate that is thrown at me.
The venom continues and probably always will but the fact is no longer care what people think of me. If they believe the rubbish, they don’t really know me and I don’t want to know them.
I just saw a post on Facebook stating about R U OK? Day. It’s such a shame they have to make a big deal about it once a year. Well I am not OK – far from it – but like a tortoise I am getting there slow and steady and like the tortoise I am determined to succeed.
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