The joy of new undies 161



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I recently found myself working once again after a three month lull. I managed to score two jobs which more or less combine into one full time job. One of the more joyful offshoots of this event is that I now have a wage packet which I can live on. To celebrate I shouted myself a pile of new knickers.

Now, knickers (or undies) are one of life’s necessities. I find my knicker drawer often reflects my life. If it is full of dejected, faded, sagging lycra and unravelling elastic, then you can assume I just haven’t had the dosh to splurge on nice new undies. And, as life often imitates art (or is it the other way around Oscar Wilde?), my life is often dejected, faded, sagging and unravelling in a parallel universe. In other words, my undies go out in sympathy and become a living, or perhaps a dying metaphor for my life as it is currently.

As I started my new job and one day found one bum cheek escaping the confines of the undies, I decided then and there that the time had come to splurge when the pay packet arrived. But alas, undie lovers – how do you choose what to buy? Also, what is the singular of ‘undies’? Is it undie? If not, I am now coining the word. I am a fan of the cotton bikini brief. It is a good compromise. It means I am not quite old, but I am no spring chicken either. If I get run over, they will not make headlines.

Big granny knickers remind me of the terrors of approaching old age. Boy legs make me look like a sumo wrestler and the back view of me in a thong could remind the uncharitably minded of a wizened peach with string loosely dividing the orbs. Ugh. The only people who look sexy in a thong are strippers – and I think perhaps that they aren’t really sexy – just comodifying sex. Men who say women look sexy in a thong have never worn one. It is just plain uncomfortable. Some lingering comment long ago about dental floss…ugh…don’t go there.

Anyway. I am in Target amongst the rows of undie heaven. Mariah Carey is warbling over the muzak intercom. I am busy trying to tune her and the overly loud toddlers out. Then I spot them. They are no longer called plain cotton undies. They are now in ‘aloe vera’ or ‘bamboo’ fabric. Being the literally minded soul I am, I see me wearing knickers with green aloe vera spikes protruding from my gusset or worse – bamboo shoots like a form of awful underwear torture. Is this a new form of pain to endure in the world of underwear? Is it going to be reminiscent of being stabbed in the bosom with an underwire escapee before it jams itself into the inner workings of your washing machine? Are these organic undies going to be clammy or prickly like the nasty nylon ones? But no, the light comes on. It’s the fabric – sort of organic and nice for you, so nice for your body. If you were hungry you could warm them up and serve then on a bed of soba noodles with wasabi sauce.

I am now proud to hang my undies on the line. They can line up on the outside of the line fit for public view. They no longer need to skulk away hiding in dejected little bundles behind the socks. They reside in three neat piles of skin tone, white and black – all with a matching bra. Ahh, now my life is complete. I can pass undie scrutiny along with the best.


Do you enjoy underwear shopping? What type do you usually buy? Tell us you undie tales today!

Karen Jones

Born in New Zealand, Karen now happily lives in the mid-north coast of New South Wales. She retired early due to ill health and now focuses on her love of walking, writing, reading and spending time with her grandchildren. With a degree in writing, Karen became a blogger and book reviewer for Starts at 60, which has enabled her passions to become enjoyable pastimes. Her recipe for bliss is a well made flat white, a friendly cat and a sea view.

  1. very funny..i bought new matching undies.. but this time I went a bit wild lol scarlet, purple, and electric blue, might shock my doctor but Iike them 🙂

    1 REPLY
    • good to hear Leanna nothing nicer than a nice coloured bra and undies to match… you go for it.. just as long as u like them that is all that matters..

  2. Loved reading this and certainly bought a smile to my face as it is a minefield which colour, fabric and shape to choose. I also live on mid north coast and love life here.

  3. Please help! Can’t find comfortable undies for a sagging 65 year old bum….size 12-14. Like bikini style….rest of body still in reasonable condition!!

    11 REPLY
  4. I avoid at all cost underwire bras..due to the fact the material has opened and I end up with the wire nearly stabbing me to death, it very awkward when your out somewhere trying to pull the wire out, it is certainly not a dignified thing to try to achieve

    7 REPLY
    • I’ve been buying Triumph underwire for years and you just can’t kill them. Never once had the wire pop out. They are expensive but worth it as they last.

    • Also I would suggest not properly fitted. But I know bras are such a personal thing.

    • Don’t like underwire bras at all, even if they have been well fitted, they still dig in and I find them uncomfortable

    • I always wore underwire bras and had that problem but now can’t stand them as they cut into me when I sit down. Found Playtex Play at Myers. Cost $50 and feel like a glove.

    • I hate underwired bras or anything that is too tight! wyb I still buy breast-feeding bras as they give more comfort and support and are wider across the back! ( slightly embarrassing if I get a fitting! hahah)

  5. The purchase of a new pair of undies is often my way of cheering myself up. If I am broke I can “splurge” in BigW who have my favourite cotton full briefs that aren’t like Granny knickers at all or I go to Autograph to get my lovely sexy lacy ones to feel special.

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