Sixty Something: Mother’s Day wasn’t rosy for me 520



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Hello my Sixty Something readers. Recently it was Mother’s Day so I am going to discuss what it is like to be a mother alone at sixty something and how the day has affected me. You see, although I am usually cheerful and positive, there are times when it is all just too hard. This is one of those times, so hope the rest of the week improves.

I look around the room and I see a lovely box of flowers from my daughter, who although quite young has just become a mother for the first time. She and I have gone through some very rough times, resulting in a few years with no communication. It is not the case now though. Of my three children, she is the only one who has contacted me today – and the day is almost over. I am so unhappy about this, while at the same time being so bloody angry. My two sons, one of whom lives in the same town as myself, have let me down. I am not blowing my own horn, but I have been a damn good mother. I am not asking for financial rewards or presents. I am not asking to be gushed over. I just want a call, a hug or a kiss for Mother’s Day. Is that too much to ask? I think not and from what I can gather, I am not the only mum missing out on this today. My youngest has never missed a year of a hug, a kiss, breakfast in bed or a day out or flowers. What has changed? He has a new girlfriend! Know what I’m saying ladies? On the other hand, he is a grown man, he is responsible for his own actions.

My eldest son lives in Canada. Although he has never been good on communication, Mother’s Day and my birthday has always been the time I could rely on at least an email. He has had time recently to travel to the Philippines for a social engagement and travel around Canada with his very beautiful model girlfriend, but not even five minutes for me. So many people have said, “you know what kids, especially sons are like” Well that is not good enough.

All their lives I have taught them to be good people, to be loving and caring ant to be mindful of others feelings. All their lives I have given blood sweat and tears for them. I only ask that they love me and relate their love two or three times a year. I don’t think that is too much to ask. I hear other parents talking about similar issues and until recently, I thought I was lucky. I now hope that my kids or someone who knows my kids, reads this and tells them that they need to be ashamed of themselves. They are the lucky ones to have a mum like me who, like so many thousands of mums around the world, put their children first always. There are equally thousands of mums who don’t give a sh*t. They are lucky they don’t have one of those.

Being 30 or 40 and a mum is hard enough, but being 60, alone and a mum has been for me, heartbreaking. If you have no-one else in this world and you have the knowledge that you are not forgotten by your children, you have everything. I only hope this never happens to my kids, they are never in my position. Oh, my youngest did end up sending me a short text message at the very end of the day. There was no thought or love in this message – and he is two blocks away.

I know I will pick myself up and dust myself off.  I know that some will say there are worse things in life. Maybe there are, but my kids are my life, it’s just the way it is. I know that my blog writing will again bring out the fun loving and never say die attitude I have most of the time and I know I will have great things to share with you again. I know there is a world full of wonder, challenges and sometimes sadness out there. There is also a world full of much happiness waiting for me, but for now I wonder, what will it be like when I am 70 something on Mother’s Day?

Tell us below, was Mother’s Day great for you or was it more like Fran’s day?

Fran Spears

Born in 1953. Came to Hobart from the north west coast of Tassie to be closer to my son as I have mild chronic bronchitis. Mild and chronic in same sentence – even that makes me laugh. Have just completed and passed my diploma in Public Relations. Love to write and have lead a reasonably interesting life. My motto: "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!"

  1. My eldest son contacted me and gave me a lovely gift. My youngest son didn’t bother as his wife hates me. I have decided that I will not let this get me down as it will take its toll on my health. I can’t change things, but I am disappointed in him. You are so fortunate to have a daughter who cares.

    5 REPLY
    • What is it with daughter laws? Once they get our sons they become bitches!

      1 REPLY
      • I think you are generalising a bit. My daughter is a daughter in law and is really loved be her in-laws like she was their own daughter. I know if anything happened to me they would be there in a flash.

    • Spent the day with my daughter, her partner, their children and his parents but all day I waited to hear from my son. His partner doesn’t like me and and has managed to turn him against us. Very sad.

    • Yes which is SOOOOO stupid as one day they will be a Mother in Law. Maybe Karma will hit them between the eyes.

    • It seems like being old renders us unattractive and unloveable, not to mention that if you say anything the world comes crashing down around your head. It seems that younger people can have and express opinions but older people should be ‘seen and not heard.’

    • Hope so Kay Keller! With the biggest Karma of all! I am also in the boat with you ladies! I also have a daughter in law like this!!

  2. Mine was sad for different reasons. It should have been my 40th wedding anniversary, but my husband died 2 years ago. Didn’t get a call from my daughter, but then it’s not mother’s day in the UK. It’s celebrated there when it should be – Mothering Sunday, 4th Sunday of lent and not in May, on the whim of Hallmark card manufacturers who wanted to make a commercial event out of it. My son called though from Melbourne.

  3. I had a terrible mothers day my son is not talking to me and my daughter sent me a text message at 9 am but she realized at 3 pm it didn’t go through. And still didn’t ring

    1 REPLY
  4. Yes. I know how yòu feel.
    This year I was taken out for lunch for the very first time on Mother’s day. Usually it’s a text msg or a 3 minute phone call. One daughter doesn’t talk to me because I finally got up enough courage to tell her I was sick of her abuse. I got a card from my son a week late. But this is the first time in 20 years I have had something from him on mother’s day.
    I am thankful for the rare things I get but I am often sad that I am not recognised a bit mire for what I have given over the years.

  5. Don’t be a doormat. As the family matriarch I would be telling both sons that this is unacceptable. It’s called Respect. Otherwise it will worsen – these girlfriends will take their cues from the behaviour of your sons and also treat you badly. And yes I’m widow in my 60’s, but my kids are in regular contact.

    7 REPLY
    • AS much as we say that Carolyn once they are adults there is not much you can do, the more you demand the more you drive them away

    • I am happy for those of you who have kids in regular contact. I am neither overbearing or a doormat to my children. I don’t expect them to lead their lives with me in mind. I don’t want them to contact me if it is an “obligation”. I never however, thought it would be. My sons and I have always had a very close relationship until recently. AND if expecting plain simple consideration is too much on Mothers Day, then I am guilty. As for those of you who like to tell me what I have done wrong, I like advice but please don’t presume to call me things like doormat or say I expect things I shouldn’t from my children. I always believe everyone has their own opinion, but to act as though I am doing something wrong – not this time guys!!!!!!

    • I have 3 sons exactly the same and they have the wives from hell hence I never see them or their children. Thankfully I have one precious daughter with 4 delightful blessings on which to dote.

    • Yes Carolyn & Fran and these girlfriends also have mothers so in all likelihood they forgot their mothers as well on Mothers Day. If they didnt then your son is even worse than you think. Stand you’re ground & stand up for yourself – tell them you did not bring them up to behave this way & how disappointed you are in them. Men are from another planet remember!!!

    • I agree with Jane, Fran. Sometimes I’ve told my kids something was wrong or silly when it was, despite them now being adults. Silence only reinforces such behaviour. That’s not overbearing – I am forever their mother, but I’m also their best friend should something go wrong. If I don’t speak up, who will tell them?

    • Reading these replies, I’m pretty sure Fran has stood up for herself. I know I have. Yes these dils have mothers,that’s probably why my dil is such a cow….walk away Fran and hold your head up high…I for one totally understand. Nothing is better than independence with your own decisions. I’ve chosen to travel Australia and not look back! Done my job…my turn now.

    • I am like you Fran. Been a good mother and grandmother, don’t expect my kids to live their lives around me, but a phone call or text would be nice on Mothers Day. I do get a card and gift from my son and wife, but never see or hear from him, yet we used to be very close until his marriage broke up. My daughter thinks Mothers Day is a big farce, but does usually call with a card and gift.

  6. I am so lucky….. I have four children and they are all very caring toward me.
    It makes me so sad when I hear these stories ….

  7. Sixty Something, I understand whete you are coming from.

    2 REPLY
    • Oh no why? She doesn’t appear to know what she’s done and comes across as portraying complete innocence.. In fact, she even claims she is/was a great mother! If that were the case then I doubt she’d be in the position she is in. I’m not one for pity-party’s on the Internet but there is nothing stopping her from at least finding out how to repair the rift. In fact, as the mother one would think she wouldn’t stop until it was.. 10c. 🙂

    • I just felt for the Lady. Just a bit lonely. Yes I guess she could try & repair the rift but it takes effort from both sides.

  8. I’m lucky, although losing one son 23 years ago, I still have two wonderful caring sons……..

  9. Since SMS comes into it I get that for Mother’s Day & Birthday from a couple of my children it would be lovlier to receive a phone call or a visit instead an sms just seems as though that’s easier

    1 REPLY
    • Why don’t you call them to thank them for their SMS….and hopefully embarrass them

  10. So sorry to hear your story – I’m lucky I only have one child and she and I are close, although her husband does test the relationship often. Fran, I would sell up everything I have and spend the next 20 or so years travelling to every place you have ever wanted to see. Just stop and think about what would give you pleasure and do it. Don’t guilt the children, don’t beg, just think about yourself. For whatever reason they are selfish and thoughtless and if you really have done everything for them it’s obviously time to stop. Either they will come to you or not but you will have a good time.

    9 REPLY
    • Good reply re travel n think of your self
      You’ll have a little chuckle to your self if ever they should have need of you
      Other wise get on with what life is left for you n spend Spend (Give them some thing to think about)
      No wonder there r people out there who think long n hard before committing to rearing children

    • Thank you Shauna. I am currently looking into moving to Italy for a couple of years before this year is over. I have never ever felt the way they have made me feel lately and I hope they never feel that pain, but I deserve more and if I have to do it without them, I will. 🙂

      2 REPLY
      • Fran I know exactly how you are feeling. I have 4 sons, one doesn’t speak to me after I divorced his father, the other 3 just take me for granted. By helping out financially I now have no home and, but for the good grace of my niece, would not even have a roof over my head. I have given them a good life and they lacked nothing. I got a brief text from one and a small unwrapped gift from another and not so much as a card. It’s not about the gift or card it’s about respect and giving thanks for all that I have given and done for each and everyone of them. Feeling sad and used.

      • It is never a good idea to follow your children. They need to be able to live their own lives.

    • Fran. How exciting. Please do it without them. Who knows what adventures and pleasures lie before you.

      1 REPLY
      • Hope you do it Fran, only just read this and so agree I have had a couple of bad experiences myself, but this year all three of mine came up trumps. Sometimes you wonder what was wrong, now just take off do your own thing and enjoy life your way, when they see you are a fun loving adventurous person bet they beat a path to your door again…But you won’t be home!

    • I will. I am hoping to be there by November. Anyone else want to come? Also Leone, by next weekend I am going to have a go on my own at the Tahune Airwalk. I am serious about anyone wanting to come to Italy though.

      1 REPLY
      • Might join you in Italy…umm…see what the next few months bring.

    • Fran I spent three weeks in Italy last year and it was fabulous – venice is not to be missed. Enjoy! Ps if I come into some money between now and November I’ll come.

    • I dont know if its any comfort to you Fran to know your not on your own when it comes to thoughtless children. Its happened to me occasionally but this year was ok. It hurts I know but what can you do? I know spend the kids inheritence by going to Italy and having an amazing time. Send your kids postcards on a regular basis showing them how happy you are.

      1 REPLY
      • Jay, I don’t think she should send them a postcard. Give them back what they have given her – nothing. Just let them wonder where she is and what she is doing. I think that is the only way they will come around.

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