Sh*t old ladies do 18



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I’m becoming increasingly pissed off at the way women over 50, or in my case, women 60 and over, i.e. OLD LADIES are treated.

The fashion industry sucks when it comes to older women. I’m not talking haute couture – let’s face it, the great majority of us cannot afford the complex, largely hand constructed clothing items that is only within arm’s reach of wealthy society chicks and trashy celebrities.

Mass-market fashion is geared toward youth. How often do you see older women modelling today’s clothing? The fashion industry seems to think any woman over 40 is ready for embellished sweatshirts and elastic-waist, ill-fitting pants. Where’s the respect?

Old lady friends – have you tried to find a really cute-on trend skirt or dress recently? Yeah. I thought so. You need a complete wax job on your origin of the world in order to even sit down in one of those shorter-than-hooker bottoms!

Most of us would need a complete wax job just to be able to sit in a short skirt. The mass-market fashion industry has to get the “woman-as-hooker” visual from their pea-sized brains! Start producing more refined clothing – and not just geared for young women!

Cosmetics companies are another bone of contention. I’m a makeup junkie. I’m also entering into my 61st birth year. I spend far more (of Bonaparte’s) money on cosmetics and beauty products than younger women do because I need them to enhance the features that were once, well, kind of pretty. No matter how many creams and lotions I apply to my dry-as-the-Sahara face, nothing short of a face lift and fillers are going to bring back the youthful dewy complexion that once was mine. So don’t even give me your false advertising. I’m too sage and wise to fall for it. Stop using 20 year old models to advertise anti-ageing. And STOP with the “anti-ageing” label for crissakes! Your creams will help smooth lines for a bit and hydrate, but they ain’t gonna stop the ageing process!

Old Ladies do no makeup

THIS is an ageing face. Blotchy. Some wrinkles. Jowels. No fillers. No makeup. THIS is an ageing face that uses creams and lotions. And the majority of women who use those creams and lotions look more like me when they wake up, not the photoshopped model with makeup!

Society in general just treats us like old cows to be sent to pasture. Corporations do NOT want to hire us because of our age – and anyone who doesn’t believe that is a moron! It is true. We are overlooked and ignored in the workforce.

We old ladies don’t like the way we’ve been treated.

But – here’s some shit that old ladies do – so read along and if you are younger, give your mum a kiss and a hug and appreciate the genes she passed down to you. If you are an older male blogger, tell your woman how beautiful she is and treat her like the princess she should be treated as. If you are in the cosmetics or fashion industry, take a good look at your older buyers and start to cater to them. If you are in corporate HR or a hiring manager, I cannot even print what I think about you.

Anyway, here’s some good shit that old ladies do:

Old ladies buy bras and underwear from Victoria’s Secret. Sure we may not look like the VS Angels, but the underwire bras, along with the chicken cutlets we insert give our saggy girls some well-needed lift at a far less expensive price point than a tit job. Old ladies also wear thongs. Panty line has no age limit. And yet, some of us old ladies love to go commando at times!

Old ladies do the bouncy-bouncy. Some old ladies do it with old men. Other old ladies do it with younger men. There are the old ladies who do it with other old ladies and some who even do it with younger women. And some older women do the bouncy-bouncy by themselves – sometimes when you gotta do it right, you gotta do it yourself

Old ladies wear skinny jeans. From Old Navy Rock Star jeans to the higher end Paige jeans. That’s right: we be rockin’ the well-rounded old lady booty in those tight denims. I’m shakin’ my groove thang. How about you?

old ladies do 024

I am an old lady. I rock the skinny jeans. Here I am rocking my Gap skinny jeans with pewter Ivanka Trump pointy-toed pumps, a brown GAP belt and a crisp white button down shirt from Ann Taylor. I think the look is nice and classic. It is a look that can be worn on women of ALL ages!

skinny jeans ass

My old lady booty can shake and groove just as much, if not better than, my younger peers!

Old ladies love their bar drinks just as much as young ladies do. Young ladies refer to it as “drinking”. Older, more mature women refer to the beverages as “cocktails”. It’s more refined. You can learn a thing or two about refinement from an older woman!

Old ladies do style so well!

This old lady can multi-task the Hermes scarf! One day a headband and the next day a most excellent and stylish cover for hiding turkey neck–and more budget friendly than a neck lift!

Old ladies do love music – all genres – especially classic rock. Give us a few cocktails and we’ll be hittin’ that air guitar better than any 20 year old boy!

Old ladies do have fun with cosmetics!

That’s right. Just a small sampling of the many cosmetics in the makeup room of a typical 60!

naked smoky palette

More Naked by Urban Decay – this is the smoky palette

Old Ladies smoky eye

See how lovely my old lady eyes turned out this morning?

Marc Jacobs highlighter and contour

Marc Jacobs contour and highlighting powder duo. This is greatness. My colour is 40!

Old Ladies do contour

Contouring is great because it slims down my face–and after all the weight I gained, I’m so happy that something on me looks thinner!

Old ladies do love to style their hair-whether it’s their real hair or fake hair! It’s all fun!

All made up and styling my REAL hair today! All I do is finger comb and then tease it a bit on top. 

Me in wig 2

..and some days, I just want to wear fake hair!

Old ladies can curse better than a member of an inner city gang. Just ask anyone who knows me!

Some old ladies do smoke. I’m jealous. Seriously. If I were not such a hypochondriac and afraid of getting sick, and if cigarettes didn’t cause wrinkles, and if cigarettes were not so expensive, I would be smoking like a steam pipe! Smoking would curb my ravenous appetite. If I have an 80th birthday, I want a pack of Marlboro Lights and a bottle of Jack Daniels to celebrate!

Old ladies do get manicures and pedicures. They like to take care of their hands and feet!

Nice feet

These feet look a lot younger than their age. That’s because I don’t wear socks in the winter. Bare is the way to go…all year!

Old ladies do run for President–and hopefully one WILL be President!

Old ladies (and old men) do eat dinner later, much later than 4:00 in the afternoon. Please get that straight. We appreciate fine dining and fine wine. The majority of us do NOT go to Country Buffet for the early bird special!

Bibou. Wine that we took with us

No early bird special for THIS old lady and Bonaparte! We start a late dinner off with a fine wine!

Old ladies do like to watch cool TV shows.

Old ladies do love to wear those heels and wear them well. We do love our ballet flats too—but make sure they are good ones—like Repettos!

Old ladies do love a good retro look. Miniskirts, boots and the long coat. Honey’s we started that look way back in the late 1960’s through the early 1970’s. It is not a new look.

One of my favourite looks since I was a junior in high school. Over-the-knee boots, black tights, gray mini (from Banana Republic) Black turtleneck (Old Navy), Brown Belt (Gap), Brown long coat (which I stole from Bonaparte–he got it in France many years ago. It’s mine now)

God may have created women, but Bardot created that iconic big, teased, messy, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed hair and look.  I’m channeling it in a black-and-white, new wave French film kinda way!

Basically, old ladies do the same shit that everyone else does–so don’t exclude us!

In honour of the sexy older woman, here’s the wonderful Dalida with “Il Venait D’avoir 18 Ans”. A song about a woman in love with an 18 year old boy! Oh lala!

Originally published here

Catherine Urbanski

Empty nester. Over 60. Striking back at "Ageism" and all things ageist. Humor and pathos are my weapons of choice! A born New Yawka whose better half is a born Parisian. Opinionated and honest. And the door to my heart is always opened!

  1. Loved your article!

    I do nearly all these, but different!
    All my life, I’ve been a conservative dresser, but a good looking one at that!
    I ooze confidence at all times, & many people are attracted to my personality. I’m very blessed!
    My clothes, make-up, & accessories’, can beat some of these young ‘uns by miles!

    As long as I know that I look my BEST, when I venture out, I feel like a million $$$$$!
    And it’s really lovely to get compliments!

    I do ME, exceptionally well, & will do so for as long as I draw breath!

  2. I’ll tell you what SoL’s DON’T do, & that’s take a shower, or wash their hair!

    I was in a q, heading into a free State Symphony Orchestra Practise Concert, & there were 4 oldies’ in front of me, in their 80’s, I’d guess.
    Their combined BO, smelly clothes, & dirty, greasy, foul un-brushed/combed hair, made me retch!
    I had to drop back about a metre, to get away from it. I made sure I wasn’t seated near them!

    What’s with that?
    Are they ga-ga forgetful, don’t want to ‘waste’ water, spend money on powder & deodorant, OR just plain lazy?

    Dear God, I hope I’m never like that!

    2 REPLY
    • Poor old loves. Probably their pension doesn’t allow such luxuries as hot water, soap and hair products, let alone a washing machine.

      Mind you, that smell unpleasant as it is wouldn’t give me a chemical migraine and sinus attack, fatigue attack etc like perfume, deoderant, hair products, cosmetics and washing powder does …..

    • You’re a strange, bigoted little idiot. Why don’t you get a brain before you get on the internet and make such offensive and ignorant comments. I just hope that when you get over 50, IF you are lucky enough to make it that far without someone knocking you on your head, you get some jumped-up little brat exactly like you to give you a taste of your own horrible medicine. Grow up before someone throttles you, stupid.

  3. Love this lady, I read her blog all the time!!!!

  4. Loved your article sorry not in your class when it comes to designer this that but I wear wot I like and go out there with my head held high. Only Two time I went to the hairdresser when I went to the hairdresser at school 14 came home from school and got nits my dad must have been having an off day and got the scissors ad hacked my hair cried all day he felt guilty so told me to Go to the hairdressers they put so much hairspray on my hair that it was stiff for a few days the next time I was working and rich as went to the city it cost me an arm and a leg but my hair was short one side and long the other my family cracked up laughing so I cut the other side to make it even aue. Yeah love lookin in the shop malls for ideas and adapt it ala op shop style so yeah I think I’m down your mama and I think that’s all that counts. Love this concept send it out to Facebook land and it starts them talkin which is a good thing, love you long time faaxxxooo

  5. the muffin top. please don’t tuck the shirt in…

    2 REPLY
    • Wear it tucked in Babe !!!!! You look super sexy. Colin is a look down your noser I reckon. I just love you and your article to bits.

    • Wear it any way you damned-well like. Colin has no business saying anything about it.

  6. Love your comments, I am 72 and I still wear jeans they are Not Your Daughters Jeans as they are the only ones I have been able to find to fit a 6ft tall woman, also having had a Fabric Shop for 10 yrs I made my own clothes to fit me, now being older, there is nothing in the stores for older women so I will be going back to making my own clothes again..
    I am just lucky that I have that skill, they are not teaching sewing in schools anymore, which is so sad……

  7. Absolutly given me conferdence that im doing ok thank you

  8. You look fabulous, Catherine! I wear what I like, and always put on make up before leaving the house. No trackie dacks and sneakers for me!

  9. [email protected]

    Loved your article. Cosmetics and perfume and nice clothes, all I like still at 65. I found that when you are younger you do not think of getting older. Then comes one day you look in the mirror and there it is, on you! There also is the assumption that you must get brain failure when you are older. I have been talked down to and say they are in for a shock, as eventually it will happen to them! Its a fact of life, we all age, its how we handle it that counts.
    What misconceptions about Aging!

  10. Enjoyed the article, had a giggle or two. Enough with the old already. My grandchildren are the only ones allowed to call me “ancient”. I prefer the terms “mature” or “wise”. I dress to be comfortable, in jeans, dresses, shorts etc and I love vibrant colours. I have gorgeous white hair, that I have stopped colouring – used to have bight pink, violet and a plum colour in it that matched my glasses – so I can get away with lots of colours. Only wear makeup for special occasions nowadays and I have great skin. I use macadamia oil, coconut oil, and emu oil on my skin, depending on the mood I am in. I used to use Estée Lauder or Clinique, as they had products for sensitive skin, now my skin is much better. My main vice is perfumes, I like Opium and Estée Lauder Pure White Linen.

  11. I’m 60 and I do what I want. Can’t be bothered with make up, I have trigeminal neuralgia so don’t like to put it on then take it off. I lice in jeans and boots, that’s what we do in the bush. I moved back to the town of my youth, and the people that knew me years ago just laugh at my antics, it’s their fault, they expect me to do what I did years ago. I spend a lot of time volunteering and making sure the history of our town doesn’t get lost. On grandparents’day my grandson did a drawing and wrote I like playing football with grandma (that’s Aussie Rules).
    My husband ended our marriage after 30 years and I realise he did me a favour.
    I’ve never been so happy in all my life.

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