Are you still having sex? Real stories shared… [Sex after sixty]

Last week I outlined four groups that ‘Sex after Sixty’ issues relate to married women, married men, single women and single men. Within these groups there are people who still have sex and those that don’t.

I’ve asked eight people from these groups over 60 about their sex lives. The answers from the eight people interviewed, give an indication of what is happening in the bedrooms of the over 60s.

Group 1: Married women who are still sexually active

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active with your husband, do you enjoy sex with him? How often would you have sex with him? Are you having sex outside your marriage?

Dana 66: Yes my husband and I still have sex. I have to admit I don’t enjoy it as much as I did 15-20 years ago. We have sex every couple of weeks. I feel my husband is more interested in the act than me. I often lie there thinking of what my mother used to say, ‘Lay back and think of England’. The whole act usually takes about 3 minutes and he is virtually snoring when he rolls off. I lie there for hours wondering what happened to romance. I often have sex with him when I need him to do things around the house, or when I feel I’ve run out of excuses. No way on earth would I want to have sex with another. I couldn’t think of anything worse.

Group 1: Married women who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active with your husband, can you tell me why? When did sex with him cease? Would you consider having sex outside your marriage?

Allison 64: He’s a selfish pig. He only thinks of himself and he’s not at all involved in the family. I can hardly stand the sight of him. Most of the time he just lies on the sofa with a can in his hand. Sex went out the window when I hit menopause. That was when I shut down. He had no understanding of what I went through. He just told me to get over it. He used to say, ‘Get over it or get out’. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere. He now sleeps in the spare room and he knows better than to try and touch me. I’ve wondered about how I would feel with another man, but after this one and at my age no way.

Group 2: Married men who are still sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active with your wife, do you enjoy sex with her? How often would you have sex with her? Are you having sex outside your marriage?

Frank 68: Yes I still have sex with my wife but it’s getting more difficult now to find her in the right mood. Sex with her is still ok, although if I had a choice I’d rather have sex with the spunk next door. We have sex about once a month or so depending on her aches and pains. I’ve had affairs with other women over the years. I’m only human. Nowadays temptation is at every turn.

Group 2: Married men who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active with your wife; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity with her cease? Would you consider having sex outside your marriage?

Richard 69: She’s impossible, never let’s up on me. Negativity all the way, how I was ever attracted to her astounds me. I’ve given up, it’s not worth the hassle. It would be about ten years now since we had any contact. I don’t think I would have the confidence to wander. She’s almost convinced me I’d be no use to anyone. I’m out of shape and fairly heavy so I think that would be an issue as well.

Group 3: Single women who are still sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active; do you enjoy sex? How often would you have sex? Are you with a regular partner?

Sandra 65: Yes I am, I enjoy sex. Although since my divorce I’ve realised that if you want to have interest from a man then not being sexually available isn’t an option. In a way I think this is why at my age I’m still sexually active. I would have sex as often as I have dates to be honest. I don’t have a regular partner. I have several men who I see. I seem to attract the guy who’s in town on business every now and again and in a way nowadays this suits me. I don’t think I could stand a man around 24/7.

Group 3: Single women who are not sexually active

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity cease? Would you consider having sex in the future?

Janet 61: I’m sorry to say I don’t have a sex life. It’s because I have low self esteem especially since my husband traded me for a 35 year old from the Philippines six years ago. I’d put on a lot of weight during menopause and he starting calling me a fat slob. So I withdrew and that’s when the marriage started to turn sour. If I could get myself together and lose some weight, I may consider getting involved if anyone would have me.

Group 4: Single men who are still sexually active

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active; do you enjoy sex? How often would you have sex? Are you with a regular partner?

Robert 65: I sure am sexually active – it’s great out there, lots of choices. I love sex – is the pope a Catholic!? I don’t get enough; it takes time and effort to get women into bed. Although, the older ones are much easier than the younger ones! I’m not with a regular partner. I’ve been married and divorced twice. Lost the kids, the house and the super. So not going there again. With the internet the supply is endless, so why buy when you can rent.

Group 4: Single men who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity cease? Would you consider having sex in the future?

Les 66: No I’m no longer interested in women. Women are too hard, and their expectations are unrealistic. I gave up on the opposite sex years ago. I used prostitutes for a while but decided to give them a miss as well. I don’t think I’ll ever be involved intimately with a woman again. My health is not wonderful now so I can’t see anyone decent wanting to take me on.

* * *

It would seem that there is conflict between the sexes at any age. The issues are just slightly different for the over 60s. Lack of romance, grudges from past events, lack of interest, aches and pains, temptation elsewhere, lack of fitness, weight issues, needing space, being traded for a younger model, multiple divorces, unrealistic expectations and of course health.

For me, I’m now extremely happy that I have a small close family that love and respect me, and a select group of devoted friends who think I’m a clever, caring woman. If a suitable and honest man turns up every now and then that‘s a bonus. But having a regular partner no longer defines me. Anyway… What man fantasises about a fling with a 70 year old woman?

Carole L. xxx

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Carole Lethbridge is the author of “Online Dating After Sixty: One woman’s journey of love, lust and losers”. She has been both married and single over the last few decades and she has done her own research, gathering extensive data on relationships between females and males, drawing on both for her book and column. Online Dating After Sixty is available for purchase for $21.50 via Booktopia.