Are you 53 or older? Do you wear jeans? If you answered ‘yes’ to both then you should be ashamed of yourself according to yet another inane and downright silly so-called survey done in the United Kingdom.
Some outfit with obviously very little to do surveyed 2,000 people — neither the age range or gender breakdown was revealed — and this anointed group decided that 53 was the absolute cut-off age for jeans. Why 53? I haven’t got a clue — why is 52 still okay (just) but 54 is beyond the pale?
If you are about to celebrate your 53rd birthday do let family and friends know that on absolutely no account whatsoever should they purchase you a pair of jeans or even a gift voucher that can be redeemed in some shop flogging jeans. Of course, if you are any older than 53 clean out your closet and dump any jeans you already have — especially if you are contemplating a trip to the UK. You don’t want to risk arrest by the fashion police, do you? Or be laughed at in the street.
I’m a few months older than 53 — about 170 months actually — and I still wear jeans. Isn’t that pathetic? Am I desperately trying to cling on to some sadly awry self-image as a real cool hipster when I should be in corduroys, flannelette shirts, cardigans and slippers?
I’ve been wearing jeans all of my life — just simple, ordinary jeans that fit comfortably. I cannot for the life of me understand why anybody would buy a pair of jeans with bits cut out and left tattered and looking as if they are ready for the charity clothes bin or, better still, the tip. I understand that these ‘designer’ jeans can cost in excess of $200.
I saw a teenage girl recently wearing a pair of these ludicrous pants and I imagined that she was a homeless, destitute waif. How wrong could I have been? I’ve revised my opinion and now realise that she is both trendy and wealthy. At least, it seems, flares have staged a comeback in some quarters of the jeans world, which induces in me a warm self-indulgent nostalgia for 1972.
In fact, I had to get a couple of new pairs recently as my existing apparel had shrunk in the wash. Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Sadly, the jeans had got to the stage where the belt was high above my bum but low beneath my stomach so that the buckle faced downwards at a 45-degree angle. It seems that there is a jeans style called ‘skinny jeans’ and mine had become just that style, particularly around the waist.
Mind you, some people seem to think that wearing ‘skinny jeans’ makes them look skinny. You need skinny genes to wear ‘skinny jeans’.
That absurd UK survey informed a no doubt breathless-with-excitement world that people try to squeeze into at least three pairs while searching for the right fit (I tried on one pair on my shopping expedition and not having any delusions about my size helped), almost one quarter of them admitted to never ever finding the right pair (“Well Sir that may have been your size in 1988 but it isn’t now, I’m afraid.”) and 6 per cent were so upset and frustrated that they burst into tears.
I haven’t ever seen anybody bursting into tears in a jeans shop but, then again, I hardly haunt these places. Would you believe that the typical Briton wears his/her jeans at least five times before washing them? Well, having been there, I certainly would. This is a country where men think that handkerchiefs are actually to be knotted at the four corners and used as beach headwear.
Five per cent think that jeans are appropriate for a job interview and possibly they are if you are being interviewed by some ultra-trendy, cutting edge advertising agency. These same people think that it is appropriate garb for a funeral — and I would agree but only if one of them was the corpse.
Somebody who is allegedly a ‘celebrity stylist’ Alex Longmore really nailed this problem when she commented, “It’s disheartening to see how hugely overwhelming and seriously stressful finding a pair of jeans to fit can be.”
No doubt for some at least this awful dilemma is infinitely more conscience troubling than the refugee crisis, the war on terror, the economy and everything else. It’s all about priorities, after all.
Who could forget that last year an Adelaide woman who wore ‘skinny jeans’ had to crawl through a city park to seek help when her designer pants cut off the blood supply to her calf muscles and she collapsed. She had to have them literally cut off her at Royal Adelaide Hospital and spent four days there recovering aided by an intravenous drip.
Talk about a fashion victim.
Have you made any fashion faux pas over the years? What fashion trends did you enjoy growing up? What do you think about today’s fashion trends?
To write for Starts at 60 and potentially win a $20 voucher, send your articles to our Community Editor here.