Lifestyle

Now that I am a sexagenarian, does it mean I can have more sex?

Mar 17, 2015

Note to children, siblings and father: yep, I am going there.

SPOILER ALERT – people over 60 are human. So, if you want to maintain that Saint Celibate view of me, then PUT YOUR HANDS UP, DROP THE MOUSE, AND SLOWLY BACK AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER.

Alright, are they gone?

Let’s give them just a couple of more seconds. Okay, we are now safe to discuss without eye rolls, sighs, gasps, and pleas to stop.

Why is it that the idea that our parents actually engaged in sexual relations so abhorrent? Growing up in a family of nine children should have been a very big clue that my parents, indeed, had a physical relationship, as every happy union should. But the mere thought of parents actually “getting it on” to a Marvin Gaye vibe was enough to bring on adolescent looks of panic or disgust.

But I am so over that. Sex is a natural, wonderful part of life. People have a relationship with sex, just as they have a relationship with people. Sometimes you adore it (oh yeah, baby!), sometime you avoid it (Really? Now? Come on, I just wanted to lie down and read my magazine in peace!); sometimes you fight it (No! No means No! GAWD STOP!). But it is a relationship worth treasuring, pampering, and saving.

So why is it that sex after 60 is not readily discussed? Is it truly expected that we give up sex as we live longer? According to life expectancy charts, in 1911 the average life expectancy for women was 66. So maybe then a 6-year lull was okay, after all, at that time family size was greater so those women must have been bone tired (if you know what I mean…). In 2011, the average life expectancy was 81 for women and 76 for men. Now really, do we not want, nay need (I know, some would disagree, and that is perfectly okay) to “get some of that” for the next 21 years? Heck, women can get their well-deserved break in the last 5 years of their lives – if they want to. Therefore, we should not be ashamed to discuss how to maintain a fulfilling sexual life while dealing with the physical changes that come with the baby boomer generation living longer.

Mirror, Mirror…

Let’s face it, our bodies change as we live longer. We have less muscle tone, more fat, grey hair in tucked away places, and hair follicles that are like an unruly animal that has escaped the herd and decided to graze on sides of ears, the middle of foreheads, the chin, the forearm. This can make a person feel less than attractive. The way to get over this? Look at your partner, same thing is happening there. Just sayin’…

Remember when The Golden Girls was a hit and we all felt “Wow, those old gals are funny”, well I am now one of those old gals. I bring this up because one particular scene cracked me up and then scared the bejesus out of me when I looked down on a mirror. The moral to this story? Always lay down!

You are toying with me…

Speaking again of a Marvin Gaye kind of vibe, let’s talk toys. At this time in our lives, it is okay to embrace technology! If toys help with intimacy, then what is the harm? Are you worried what you children might think if they come across something…well…perplexing to them? Then go the way of Al Gore and get a LOCKBOX!

If the adult children are having to go through your things because of the normal progression of ageing – NOT living any longer – and you worry that they would be curious enough to open the Pandora’s box, then paste this note on the box:

Our dear children, Your parents are human. Do yourselves a favour, do not open… Just throw this box away.

It is okay to walk into that adult store. You don’t need the guise of looking for a Halloween costume or a gag gift for a wedding shower. You don’t need to state: “oh, isn’t this the party store?” Well, yes it is…

The clerks are trained to spot a newbie anyway and have a wonderfully open, no-nonsense, no embarrassment, how-can-I-help-you kind of customer service mentality. Believe me, they have heard it all. And ask questions. They are discreet.

Or, check out the products and purchase them online to prevent undue stress and embarrassment. Come on flower children of the sexual revolution!

Let’s get physical, physical…

Remember aerobicising to the Olivia Newton John classic? Sparkly workout clothes and terry cloth headbands were supposed to make exercise fun. But guess what? Sex is fun. And sex is considered good exercise. Sex burns 5 calories per minute, and since it takes us longer then when we were younger, the aerobic benefit just keeps on coming.