No kids… no regrets? 19



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This 31 year old doesn’t think she ever wants to have kids.  She told her grandparenting-age mother this recently, who still has no grandkids, and has written about the decision for her and her family here.  Her mother reflects on this decision tomorrow…  What do you think, as a woman who has lived through this age, and a grandparent … 



I’m turning 32 this year and it seems that everywhere I look people are breeding. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against children, but for me, right now it’s not a priority and I’m not sure if it ever will be.


I was never one of those girls who had the aching desire to have kids. Whilst my friends were talking baby names, how many and whether the wanted girls or boys I was never that interested and know there are a lot of girls like me. We don’t want kids now and we are not sure if we ever will. For something as big as being a parent you want to be 100% sure.


When I tell mothers or women who want to me mothers that I don’t want kids it seems that I have committed some crime. “You’re just being selfish!” they say. Or they brush it off, “you’ll change your mind love, but remember you have to get in quick, tick tock”.


Recently I have been looking into this more and more, apparently because I need to make a decision fast before my body clock makes it for me! Will I regret it later on in life and will I be less happy? I have been astonished to find that research is actually on my side. Statistically couples without children are happier, wealthier, stay together for longer and often do not regret their decision not to have children.


To me a future where I am able to travel as often as I like, pursue whatever career or calling I choose, to not be tied down, not struggle financially, or juggle kids/career/hobbies and everything else seems ideal. I am also fortunate to have a husband who is sitting on the fence a little like me.


The only part of this decision where it gets tricky is making a decision that will impact my immediate family. I know that I will feel incredibly guilty denying my mother to become a grandmother, which is something that she is so passionate about becoming.


So my decision, which I know I am over thinking incredibly is still being made. Sorry mum… I am not saying no, just not yet…


Have you chosen not to have kids in life, and now you are 60 did you regret it?  


The mother gives her reflection on this tomorrow… so watch this space… 


photo: MeiTeng


This writer has chosen to remain anonymous.

  1. I will look forward to tomorrow’s piece. Both mupy daughter’s have not had children. My son’t did somImdo have grandchildren. I hate their decision but it is them Imworry about. Spending their whole lives just being wrapped up in themselves. I feel they will be lonely and if you become ill later in life it is a lonely road with no fami,y to assist. I know how much my 94 year old Mum looked forward to my visit’s in a nursing friends left. Grand children too busy. Only a daughter to come because “she is my mother”. I feel that My kids will not be as likely to fill this role if I need it and if they are childless what will become of them when they are old?

    1 REPLY
    • Problem is, a lot of people do have children and still spend their lives wrapped up in themselves. Parenthood doesn’t necessarily fix that or make them unselfish. It’s more a matter of personality than anything, and lots of people do feel pressured into having kids when they have doubts. Witness the generations of angry and mean grandmothers that a lot my peers and I have, simply because motherhood was the option at the time and in a different society they might have chosen differently. All kids should be wanted and loved by their parents, and I do believe kids can tell when this isn’t the case. Also, it could be read as selfish to have children in order to take care of you! Lots of people have families that rarely visit or can’t take care of them because of their own families, jobs, addictions, personal problems….

  2. My only comment would be that in the future, remember you made the decision (whichever way you go) with all the information at your disposal. Therefore it is important to have no regrets, no wishing for things you can’t have.

    Actually, I do have another comment or question rather. What if you were told you can’t have children, ever, it is not physically possible, how do you feel? Perhaps there is your answer.

  3. the decision is entirely yours and don’t be pushed into something you don’t want with peer group pressure , there will always be pros and cons on both sides, I know many happy people who have never had children and many who have what you want to do and be who you want to be!

  4. I told my mother when I was 17 yrs old there would be no husband for me or children because I knew that life was NOT for me.
    Maybe part because I was a mother to my sister and brother on a farm from age of 7 yrs old.
    Turning 60 yrs old this year and I have absolutely NO regrets at all.
    You must follow your heart.

  5. I’m 62 and I felt like you did at 32 and I never changed my mind and have no regrets. It seems to have bothered other people more than it’s ever bothered me.

  6. What you do is your business. Don’t be coerced into making Grandma happy. Hey, I’m a Grandma and I’m cool with the decision of our older son and daughter-in-law not to have kids. They are 32 and 40. Will they regret it later? Don’t know. But it’s THEIR business. And as a mum and ex-teacher I can truthfully say that kids are not the be-all and end-all of an existence.

    1 REPLY
    • I need a “like” button for Vonnie’s post.

  7. I know how you mum feels, my daughter 30 years old, has also decided not to have a family. She and her husband both have high paying careers, a beautiful new house and overseas holidays every year. Are they being selfish or just lucky? I wonder if they will have regrets when it is all too late. But as others have said, it is their decision and they will live with it. I hope they will not be lonely in their old age with no family of their own to love and be loved by.

    1 REPLY
    • Anne .even if you had 10 children there is no guarantee that anyof them would love you . I have friends who havent seen any of their children for many years since they left home they just live their own lives moved interstate and have no contact with thir parents .

  8. I totally agree with most comments, ie that it is her business. I have a son & a daughter & grand children that live inter-state. It is only once a year that I get to see them (If I fly to visit them). So much for getting help in your old age. I am now 67 & starting to need a man around the garden etc. Would love to spend time with my grand children but catching up only once a year is not ideal for forming relationships. A phone call once a week, always from me, has to suffice. Just saying, don’t have kids just because you think they will be there at the end when you need them.

  9. I am 66 and never wanted children. I have absolutely no regrets. It has always bothered other people more than me and I have had to put up with a lot of nasty remarks about my choice.

  10. It takes a strong woman to admit not wanting children. Our culture and values do not support being ‘different’ in any way. Most people want/need to ‘fit in’ and conform and be validated – and many of them regret it later. Sure, you may have doubts, but you will not have regrets if you make this decision for yourself. It’s your choice. Parenting is a package that many have no idea about at all, what they are letting themselves in for. You are not selfish.

  11. Another way of looking at the situation.. What if your daughter( like mine) did go ahead and have children( in my case twin girls) and then after the divorce she lost custody( she deserved it) and then you were not allowed to see your grandkids again because their father found a new family.. You were no longer required…years of love just thrown careful what you wish for…

  12. I’m 60 and never had kids. Some women choose not to, some women can’t. Doesn’t matter; you just turn your energies into another direction.

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