It can come in all shapes and sizes 61



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Bullying comes in many forms – from liars to manipulation and controlling behaviour to the schoolyard and the workplace to family life. I have been on the receiving end many times over the years, ranging from controlling parents to manipulative partners to extended family members, to so-called lying friends. The people that are supposed to love and respect you are always the ones to throw the first judgemental stone.

The tragic part about emotional abuse is you can become so beaten down and your self esteem and confidence are so shattered that you do not always realise that you are in a toxic environment and children are brought up thinking that this behaviour from one parent towards another is acceptable, and sadly the cycle often continues. I seem to attract emotional abusers; maybe it has something to do with my childhood and my mother ruling my father and the entire household with an iron hand.

She always found a way to blame Dad whenever she would be caught out in another lie. She was never at fault and she would never accept responsibility for any of her actions. It was obvious to everybody that Dad loved Mum but now being older I often wonder was it love or was he just so whipped, he simply accepted? I always thought Mum married Dad just to get away from her abusive parents and I realise now with the memories that I have, it was not a good way to grow up. I ended up in the same situations because that is all I have ever known. It’s all very clear to me now and it’s such a pity I did not have that clarity years ago. Life is crazy.

I have made a decision to stay on my own from this point and move forward into the “Golden Years” with a sense of purpose and a feeling of strength. I do not want to leave the memories of a trail of miserable failed relationships behind me. I want to build positive memories and I know I am very damaged and obviously attracted to the wrong kind of people. By staying on my own at least I am giving myself a shot at happiness.

 I have often thought how great it would be if liars’ pants really did catch on fire. I believe some people are totally incapable of telling the truth and some believe their own lies, even when caught out the lies and manipulation continue.

I had one woman create a complex web of lies about me. The amount of effort she put in to trying to make me look bad was incredible. If she put that much effort into doing good she would have made Australian of the Year, instead she ended up making herself look like a fool. She was so transparent to authorities I thought surely others would see through her, but there are always some people that will want to believe the lies because it is easier. The truth is too hard for some people to face and we all know if lies are thrown hard enough some will stick.

Tell us, have you been bullied, whether you realised it at the time or not?

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This writer has chosen to remain anonymous.

  1. Yes especially from my mother so we haven’t been in touch for many many years and my life is much calmer

    1 REPLY
  2. I can fully identify with this and now I am taking time out to learn to love myself and be friends with myself. 3 of my children have turned this around in their own marriages but unfortunately one daughter has continued the cycle of abuse.

  3. And the cycle continues with our children. I’ve broken mine now and am so much happier in my life. I know I’m worth a whole lot more but the remnant remains in the background just waiting to spring out. But life is a lot happier.

  4. no I can honestly say I’ve never been bullied.. my mother and I didn’t agree on a lot of things, if the control got over the top, I could always walk away from it…that is not to say, I didn’t encounter bullies in life, the work place or anywhere.. I feel for those who do..

  5. Yes, I have beenn bullied over the years from different people….my eldest sister has told lies and turned some of the family against me…a so called friend turned out to be a liar and my neighbour also turned people against me with her lies….I only have genuine kind people in my life now….very fortunate to have some lovely friends

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    • It can be a very painful experience when a friend takes on the bullying role,make me wonder if I am the problem to keep attracting such toxic people

  6. Yep! I sure have. I seem somehow to have taken it in my stride. I think about it now and it really was horrendous!
    I must admit that I was overprotective of my own children.

  7. Fortunately I had sensibel loving parents – they taught me among other things how to like and stand up for myself and although I have encountered bullies all my life I have never succombed to them.

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