I am sorry but I’m through being miserable 33



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This was to be the title of a talk I was to present with Ande for a women’s expo in May. Alas, two things have happened, Ande will now be in California, so I will be speaking alone, and the council which is sponsoring the expo have demanded that I substitute the word ‘orgasm’ for a more appropriate word. Bearing in mind that this is the 21st century and it is a women’s expo, which is designed to expand the horizons for women, I am scratching my head to understand why they thought the word inappropriate. There are advertisements everywhere with all sorts of remedies for failing erections… just saying!

While I am puzzling over this, I have an even bigger quandary. I get the feeling that there are some who resent us woofties who like to look at the bright side of life. I sometimes feel almost guilty that I find life is better for me now than at any other time. Of course, like everyone else I have my moments. The contrast of my early life and my life now is so vastly different, I can only be full of gratitude for every passing day that I am not pushing up daisies.

You see I was that kid at school who had to wear dresses down to my ankles to cover the bits out of my legs from the savage beatings from a mentally ill mother. I was the kid that suffered a broken nose on more than one occasion. I was the kid that was sexually abused as a young child by an uncle who threatened me if I dared tell anyone. I didn’t tell anyone for 40 years when the flood gates opened. I was the kid who never felt safe. I was the kid who wanted so much to find love that at aged 19 I accepted the first man who showed any interest but who then went on to bully me as my mother had. Then I was the kid who went on to have three beautiful children of my own and experienced love for the very first time. This kid endured a terrible marriage for 20 years and then went from one disaster to another until I took stock and faced my childhood traumas and began to believe in myself.

At the age of 63, I met someone who only saw the good and I fell in love for the very first time. We had eight years of magic and my world opened up in a way that I had never dreamed it could. Celine Dion belts out the song, “I’m everything I am because you loved me”. That is how I feel and together we both wanted to help make the world a happier place. My happy ever after was not to be and two and a half years ago he was taken from me but made me promise to never let go of the dream to help make this world a happier place.

I wanted so much to go also and went into a huge emotional spin out. I remember asking my friend if I would ever feel normal again and she assured me I would. It was such a relief to wake up one morning and feel the pain a little less and as the days wore on I remembered my promise to my love and set about getting back on track.

The world was pretty black and white for awhile, but now I see it in full technicolour and I no longer sweat the small stuff. I was left in a bit of a mess but thankfully I have been able to do a bit of work that has helped sustain me and allowed me to keep my home. I feel a lightness and each morning find something to be grateful about. I have certainly found the old adage of “Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone”, to be pretty true but I did find out who my true friends were and now I keep meeting more and more special people. So if I seem a little wooftie and my Pollyanna approach offends you, I am sorry but I’m through being miserable. Sometimes we have to fake it till we make it.


Share your thoughts. 

Lyn Traill

Lyn Traill is a very late bloomer and is grateful to feel she is being more productive now than at any other time in her life. Whilst still involved in corporate consulting, her real passions are writing and speaking. She has had a number of educational books published but ‘Sizzling at Seventy – victim to victorious’ was her first book for adults. Lyn’s mantra is that it is never too late to find your ‘fabulous’. www.traillblaze.com

  1. Dear Lyn,
    This is a wonderfully inspiring article. Thank you for sharing it with us <3

  2. Well done you, I’ve not had your horrors or struggles but I think I’d like to up my gratitude for the wonderful things I do have

  3. You are amazing. A lot of people would never survive, let alone have such a positive attitude. Keep on keeping on!! I am so glad that you had those years of happy, even if it wasn’t ever after.

  4. Amazing story. Hopefully, you will inspire others not to wallow in their past demons.
    Shows the power of love.

  5. Do you do any lectures etc in Perth. Would love to listen to you .
    Sincerely Maureen McGuinness

    1 REPLY
    • Thank you Joy. I live on the Gold Coast but hope to continue doing some speaking interstate. Maybe Perth will have an opening for me at some time.

  6. Your a very strong person to get through it all. Well done ,your children have an extra ordinary Mother. Wishing you all the best.

  7. Thank you for this awesome story (I hesitate to call it that as it’s not fiction)
    My own was similars in several ways but I was not abused sexually but by always seaching for someone to love me I could easily have been a candidate!!
    Hurried into marriage at 16 by the inlaws to-be, who didn’t want me to be pregnant ‘so just in case’ it was up the aisle for us!!! Sadly we both realised it was an escape we needed not each other!!
    I never did find someone to love me, after much searching & heartache, but am happy now on my own, turning 70 in a few days. I say to friends ‘this is the happiest I have ever been in my whole life’ & look forward to each new day enjoying my own company & my choice of friends.

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