There are many advantages to living in Queensland – beautiful one day, perfect the next – and we loyal Queenslanders proudly boast that it is God’s Own Country.
And that is no idle boast – in fact, God chose Queensland for the Second Coming of Christ. The wisdom of that decision cannot be disputed and my faith in the infallibility of God has been further strengthened by this Revelation.
Yes, Jesus has returned and this time he is known by his earthly name of Brian Leonard Golightly Marshall and he lives with his good lady wife in the hamlet of Toogoom on Queensland’s Fraser Coast north of Brisbane.
I know of this Revealed Truth from Brian’s Facebook page – he informs that his birth date is January 11, 1944 –and he announces, “The Christ is here already, reborn to the earth on January 11, 1944.” And to back up that Revelation, he gravely notes that he ( or, perhaps, He) has been “Rejected, abused mocked, hated and crucified twice by first the Jews in 33AD and then all so called Christians practicing whoredom since 1944.”
This life of Brian – as opposed to the other “Life of Brian”, the 1979 Monty Python movie – is very serious. If she was alive, I very much doubt our Brian’s mother would say anything frightful as Brian’s mother in the movie, “He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy! Now, piss off!”
Frankly, I’m amazed that our State’s tourism promotion outfit hasn’t been more proactive about promoting Toogoom – well, to be honest, even more than mildly active. The Tourism Queensland website merely notes, “Looking for a tranquil beach destination with affordable accommodation and great fishing? The seaside village of Toogoom is just a 15 minute drive from Harvey Bay on the Fraser Coast.”
Not one word about how the Second Coming happens to be domiciled there! It makes sense that he (or is it He?) chose this spot because it is modest and humble – just like him (Him?) – providing low-cost accommodation and great fishing just like the spot where the First Coming happened.
Am I the only one who can see the hint? Jesus (the first time around) said, according to Matthew 4:19, “And He saith unto them, ‘Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men’.” The fact that Toogoom promises great fishing is a parable, a prophesy and a Revelation. The appalling general ignorance of this undeniable fact simply proves to me that there are none as blind as those who will not see. Incidentally, for those who aren’t students of the Bible, this more or less resembles Jeremiah 5:21, Go look it up.
Now, I do concede that the more cynical of you might question Brian’s bona fides but, before you dismiss him (Him?) and his (His?) mighty works consider this. On August 30, 2002, he (He?) posted a formal notice on his website, “To the attention of all politician and government agencies from the Federal to State parliaments of Australia – I Brian Leonard Golightly Marshall do hereby declare That I am the Christ and make claim for all territories dedicated to me by Pedro Fernandez de Quiros.”
If you are wondering who that Pedro is, he was a Portuguese navigator in the service of the King of Spain who set out to find “Terra Australis”, the mythical Great South Land. Well, he didn’t actually and neither did he mention any dedication of his real or imagined discoveries to Brian but, then again, he died rather young at about 50 in 1614 and that dedication may well have been lost or sadly overlooked.
Would it surprise you that Pedro was regarded by the end of his life as an obsessed crank? Well, that might be true but at least it proves that Brian, when he was “away” from 33AD to 1944AD kept in touch with world events.
Now for the absolute clincher about Brian’s veracity – he has a letter written by the former Pope Benedict singing his praises and saying, among many wondrous things, “You see, many days ago Mr Brian Marshall sent me photographs of Him and the Most Holy Shroud of Turin – He actually looks so much like that of the Holy Image on the Shroud. There is no other explanation. He is simply the Lord Jesus Christ Almighty. …He is the Most Royal Man Alive, the King of Kings…The Messiah, Almighty and Everlasting. Have Faith in Him.”
Actually Pope Benedict was poised to announce Brian as The Second Coming but the plan was aborted by the intervention of the Anti-Christ, perhaps better known as Pope Francis. Prince Charles is also the Anti-Christ and seems to be behind every dark and dastardly deed designed, says Brian, “to reduce the world population by acts of mayhem.”
Understandably, given that Brian is the Second Coming, he (He?) has “established Miracle Water in defiance of the World order and bring relief to any who wish to participate in the miracle cures I have developed for the sake of humanity.”
As soon as I have ascertained I can get a Medicare rebate for Miracle Water, I’m off to Toogoom.
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