Are we expecting sunshine without the rain? My response to The Silver Veil 128



View Profile

My response to the ‘The silver veil…becoming invisible as we age’

What this poor woman needs is some friendly encouragement and if there is no friend to give it, which is often the case, some reading matter that will help her understand her dilemma better might be helpful.

Life brings the rain as well as the sunshine, and we can’t appreciate either if we think we should only have the one! It seems many people have developed an outlook opposite to this over the years…I am not sure why.

We are all guaranteed to endure hardship; we are destined to die, maybe from plain old age when our bodies just give up, as they are meant to do; we could fall out of the sky, be run down, trip, get cancer or Ebola, sink in a ship like the Titanic, be hit by lightning, and so on….we are destined to suffer sickness, pain, war, offence, unfairness, unfriendliness, poverty, cruelty from someone we love and who should love us…even lose a baby before or after it is born, and whatever else life throws our way!

It appears many people have forgotten this truth, and the fact that we have to learn new ways of dealing with each hardship as it arises. Watching the laws of our land change, our society has changed views on so many things, as we have been given such good reasons to think that we deserve so much more, even if we don’t work, or spend our hard earned cash or the hard earned cash of others on unhealthy foods, booze, smoke and drugs to give us a good time, sleep around and get diseases for our fun, beat our wives, teach our kids it is okay to bully, give cheek, show no respect, use foul language in front of their parents and others, rebel against teachers, police, cause another one’s death, and so on.

I am not against the help that is given, but we need to keep it in balance – we have become soft and our kids have grown up with it, so why would they expect anything different? Many abuse these systems; why would our younger generation be any different? But, from reading so many blogs on these subjects, has anyone else noticed that many have forgotten that we are the ones who have to take responsibility for our actions and stop blaming everyone else? That’s what we do as children and teens and maybe young adults. If we haven’t realised this as older adults, then our younger generation will never learn it.

Getting out of victimhood ruled by fear and self-pity is not an easy thing, but it is right to ask for help, to get up and move on out of it – it is not good for us or those around us, to stay in the sea of self-pity, no matter how much we feel we deserve more respect, or how hard it is to drag ourselves out. Oh yes, we can, but oh boy, why would we want to live such miserable lives?

Some of the things I have learned over my short 61 years:

1. Our personal happiness is not the most important thing. Sometimes our choices need to be for the sake of the other person/s.
2. Anger is an emotion, but we need to make sure we don’t let it cause us to hurt others.
3. Our feelings are not a reliable source of the truth…they can change in a second. Boy, don’t I know it! How about PMS girls?
4. We can choose to love someone we don’t like…
5. We all have weaknesses and strengths…we need to strengthen the weaknesses and learn how to use our strengths, to be a benefit, and without pride.
6. Parents and family are not always right, and it is right for a child to get help.
7. It is our choice what we do with our lives…if we make a bad choice, we can only blame ourselves, even for childhood mistakes.
8. Each child interprets family situations differently, according to their personalities, desires, needs, and emotions. They may even become adults believing their interpretation was right and everyone else was wrong!!
9. The higher our expectations, the further we have to fall. Some expectations are unrealistic.
10. And this is my favourite….from a little girl who was constantly (and lovingly) told by her abuser while sulking or throwing a tantrum (perhaps he was under conviction of his actions being the cause of her distress), that “Laughter is the world’s best medicine…learn to laugh at yourself, laugh at your mistakes and weaknesses”. Ironically, his advice was the best thing he did for her, and probably the best anyone did for her.

Oh, you know I could add more…but how about you lot? And let’s be an encouragement to each other…face it, we all need it.

Do you agree with Bev? What do you think? Tell us your thoughts below.


Bev Miskin

Married for 40 years this year, we have three daughters, with 7 boys between them, aged between 20 and 9, and one little girl of 7, who like her grandmother...ah yes, me...sent at the end of the line to sort out the blokes. From childhood I have struggled to crawl out of the pig-pen of victimhood, escaping it 32 years ago. Realising at an early age that other people were in pain and lonely too, I wanted to help them. Being a chatterbox and loving writing, I shared my own experiences...but it is no use having the gift of the gab without wisdom...I had to learn to listen too...

  1. A lovely post, Bev. It’s so important to learn that it we who are responsible for ourselves.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *